#kaiser ESPECIALLY doesn’t know the rules

[caluette]

bastard münchen game night ⚔️

[maochira]

Hi! I loved your cuddling hc’s, could you do a one shot based off the kaiser hc where reader greets him at the door with hugs whenever he comes home and one day he says he doesn’t like it so they stop, but eventually he misses them and has to confess that he actually really enjoys hugs and cuddling. Hope that made sense, thank you :))

Hi, thank you very much! Although, oneshots can't be requested (please check my request rules for that) but I got carried away here so instead of a drabble like I intended, it's an almost oneshot.

Masterlist - (new) taglist sign-up

Tags: gn!reader x Michael Kaiser, can be seen as romantic, queerplatonic or platonic (your choice). Kaiser and reader live together

Kaiser never liked to admit how much he enjoys the ways you express physical affection, but he's always been especially stubborn regarding your hugs and even cuddles. You always thought he enjoyed it - which is true - until the day when he suddenly snapped and told you to stop greeting him with your hugs. That made you insecure and led to you stop showing physical affection in general.

At first, it was only physical affection, but your insecurities only got worse until you stopped showing affection in general. The fear of being a bother to Kaiser was too bad.

Secretly, Kaiser always loved your hugs, and now he's starting to miss them. A lot. He doesn't even remember properly what led him to tell you to stop. He only vaguely remembers being in a bad mood that day, but he still doesn't fully know why in that moment, he felt the need to tell you to stop entirely.

But it's Kaiser, so even now, weeks later, he's too stubborn to admit it was a mistake. And he's even more stubborn about telling you he genuinely enjoys your physical affection.

What finally makes him give in is you not standing at the door to greet him. At first, he thinks you're either asleep or not at home, but then he finds you in the living room not minding the fact that he - who's your favourite person - is back at home.

For a moment, Kaiser stands in the middle of the room and looks at you without saying a word. He then sighs and opens his arms. "Come here, give me a hug."

"I thought you hated my hugs." You respond, slightly upset.

"...I don't. Now come here."

"No."

Kaiser is getting frustrated, so he turns around and is about to leave the room, but is stopped when you change your mind and run towards him for a hug.

Kaiser chuckles and quickly wraps his arms around you. "Changed your mind?"

"I should be the one asking you that question." Your voice sounds slightly muffled from burying your face into Kaiser's shoulder.

"...Whatever." Kaiser mumbles and tightens his embrace.

Both of you refuse to let go of the hug, so you stay in each other's arms for minutes without any of you saying a word. At least until Kaiser speaks up again.

"I'm sorry, by the way. I like your hugs. And I miss cuddling with you as well."

[icestarphoenix]

Aran Ryan Headcanons

Aran Ryan doesn’t think he’s any good with magic and sees himself as just particularly lucky. However, he is actually unconsciously using magic to subtly alter reality around him to his favor. He just believes he has the “Luck of the Irish” on his side. As such, Aran is extremely superstitious since he views the effects of his magic as just luck. 

If he says to you “good luck”, he actually wants you to fail and is trying to jinx you. “Break a leg” is how he actually wishes luck.

Even if he can get up earlier, Aran will always try to get up at the count of seven.

When he punches with loaded gloves, he does his best to not turn the horseshoes upside down when possible.

Every little thing can be an omen to him. Glass Joe was KO’d during round two rather than round one? Today’s his lucky day! A cloud in the sky is shaped weirdly? Aran needs to be careful of his surroundings. To other people, what signals good and bad luck seem completely arbitrary.

Aran was born and raised by the sea, with his father being a fisherman and his mother a fishwife. He even worked on the docks ever since he was a lil’ lad. 

He knows his way around knots and even snuck a monkey’s fist into his flail among other things.

While Aran's built quite some strength from working at the docks, his little sister built quite the silver tongue from helping her mother at the fish market. She could cheat the devil himself using just her words. Ever the swindler, that clever lil' lass.

He tends to give nicknames to people he likes. For example, Soda is “Pops”. Macho Man is “Machie”. Sandman is “Sandy”, but that’s prevalent among other boxers too. Though, Aran also uses nicknames just to annoy people. Von Kaiser is especially incensed by “Ol’ Geezer”.

He may be woefully below weight class compared to the other World Circuit boxers, but Aran makes up for it with his excellent fight IQ. Despite his external wild and spastic behavior, he is internally quite analytical when it comes to combat. Aran’s just beaten out in the raw power department.

Aran’s hands are constantly wrapped in bandages due to his penchant for punching with metal horseshoes. He’s gotten better at avoiding bruised and broken knuckles, but it still happens with how erratically he fights. The other boxers don’t remember what Aran’s palms look like.

When boxing, he wraps his hands with tape in addition to bandages to cushion his hands. Now gotta add improper hand wrapping to the infractions list.

The reason why Aran is still in the WVBA despite being a blatant and frequent cheater is because viewership skyrockets when his matches are broadcasted. Most people want to see him get his comeuppance, so they tune in. A small portion of the audience watches to see what kind of new tricks he will pull. Aran Ryan is the heel and he knows it, and he doesn’t care. He’s good at entertaining the crowd and giving them a villain they love to hate.

Wii Aran and SPO Aran are the same person to me. He was a rule-abiding boxer back in the SPO days, but quickly got bored of fighting fairly when all his competitors were cheating with their unique gimmicks. So, Aran gave cheating a try one day and never went back. He was already good at boxing, as such it became wayyyyy more fun to think of new ways to cheat and see how much the WVBA will tolerate.

This has also made him much more popular (or infamous) in the eyes of the audience. No one really noticed him before.

He doesn’t even see his fair-fighting past self and cheating current self as the same person anymore. He gets visibly annoyed when people bring up “that bloke from Branch B”. That Aran was dead the moment he threw his first punch with loaded gloves.

He made his progress up the ranks and into the World Circuit when he still fought fairly. Ever since he started cheating, Aran hasn’t really tried to keep moving up in rank and just defends his place. Part of it is that he has way too much fun continuously stomping on Don Flamenco’s pathetic attempts to take his spot.

[blue-lock-rocky]

[Ch 197 SPOILER ALERT] Regarding Isagi v. Yukimiya

Just. A lot of thoughts.

(1) regarding Yukimiya

Yukimiya slander (see reddit) is going too far. Like isagi just doesn’t have the context that we do, and i don’t begrudge him for that. But we readers know better.

Yukimiya would rather have his own goal than win without one. That actually makes sense given the fact that he has a career-ending condition. We see that for some players, if it means that they get to be on the field, they’re happy playing other positions. Yukimiya doesn’t give a shit about playing other positions because that’s literally a waste of his time. He’s desperate to break out on the world stage now because he doesn’t know how much time he has left. He’s pretty dead set on burning himself out.

I mean Isagi gets to look at the bid placed on him, and he can think about going to berserk dortmund. Yukki doesn’t get the luxury of thinking that much ahead. It’s now or never for him.

(2) regarding Isagi

We see that most of Isagi’s success come from his understanding of players. “Chemical reaction” is literally team work but edgier. “Devouring someone” basically means taking advantage of them. He can’t do that without understanding the players themselves.

The chemical reactions worked with Bachira & Nagi back in the second selection because they knew each other best. Bachira had been there since the very beginning, and the two of them knew Nagi well enough from their previous match. They even had the same goal in mind, so it didn’t even matter who scored. They just needed to win. He tried to get Barou to do what he wanted, but then realized he could devour Barou as long as he could understand thereby predict what Barou would & wouldn’t do. Rin tolerated him because Rin was confident that he’d be able to devour Isagi just as Isagi thought he’d be able to devour Rin, a mutual agreement based upon the fact that both sides were content.

I wasn’t surprised when Yukimiya straight up said no to Isagi. Isagi had assumed that Yukki would understand him but nope. This Yukimiya would never agree to assist. He had no time for assists.

And look, maybe Yukimiya has never been a fan of “team play”. Yukimiya is someone who takes pride in his play style, who is literally unmatched in 1v1 situations. He probably thinks Kaiser (brilliant finishing aside, is rather insistent on people serving him) and Isagi (someone who lacks technical skills but always gets by w/ the help of others) are pathetic because damn, they are useless without other people. He, on the other hand, just needs to drag his opponents into 1v1 situations.

(One may suggest that Isagi’s soccer IQ can help w/ that. But Isagi didn’t try selling himself like that. Someone needs to teach him how to do an elevator pitch properly.)

The cool part about ch 197, though, is that Isagi immediately realized what went wrong with his approach. He’s like, woah, I haven’t been thinking about Yukimiya’s point of view at all. And you kinda have to do that, not only to sell yourself, but also to be able to devour him.

This is what I love about Isagi. He’s always learning from his mistakes. He’s always open to LISTENING, and it blows my mind.

And I really do love Blue Lock for saying that stories like Yukimiya’s matter. Isagi may be the protagonist, but that doesn’t mean other characters have to revolve around him. Everyone has their own stories to tell, and who is to say that Isagi could just ignore them? The protagonist is NOT above the rules.

Especially with his play style being heavily reliant on understanding people, reading their movements & predicting their plays — Isagi needs to know these stories better than anyone.

[uzurakis]

BYF + RULES!

hi! this is a blog dedicated for jujutsu kaisen, blue lock, & sakamoto days! i will often ramble about other series too, but it’s still a writing-centric blog.

please do filter the tag #jjk spoilers #jjk leaks #jujutsu kaisen leaks #jjk (chapter) if you don’t want to see any jjk spoilers here.

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-> i beg not to ask me for a part 2 of my writings anymore 😓

keep in mind that i have ALL THE RIGHTS to NOT write your suggestions. either i don’t know how to write it or it doesn’t pique my interest that much. my apologies.

drabbles: one character with your prompt

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or just your brainrots or entries and we’ll talk about it!

my writing is only limited to some of the characters from the whole series. the ones that aren’t listed, i might have a hard time to nail the characterization and a BIG POSSIBILITY i won’t write for them even though you asked for it :)

JUJUTSU KAISEN: fushiguro megumi. itadori yuuji. gojo satoru. geto suguru. yuuta okkotsu. nanami kento. choso kamo. (i don’t write for toge)

BLUE LOCK: itoshi rin. yoichi isagi. meguru bachira. hyoma chigiri. seishiro nagi. reo mikage. michael kaiser. shidou ryusei. itoshi sae.

SAKADAYS: yoichi nagumo. natsuki seba. gaku. shin.

i would really appreciate if you reblog instead of spam likings if you enjoy my works, one, i can get shadowbanned, not funny guys. two, i may consider you as a bot and block you on sight. three, i enjoy seeing reblogs especially with your comments, it makes my day.

all rights reserved. @uzurakis

[inky-duchess]

Hi, I love that you're helping us all with our questions on world building and historical accuracy. I really love your blog, it's great. Thank you very much for answering our questions. It's great cos a lot of this info might be covered up or disguised in history to portray the relevant parties in a positive light. Which is what I'd like to ask now.

I'm writing a fanfic in the medieval times. I want to make it more inclusive, so I'm exploring adding a disabled royal, an LGBTQA royal, maybe even an autistic one. Would the ruling king and queen try to cover up or deny the existence of their child for this? How would they go about it? But the court would hear about it on the grapevine right? What sort of reaction would they have?

How would the succession be affected if the heir was known to be gay? Would they force him to marry a woman for show? Can he keep seeing his real lover on the side? (After all, kings had mistresses). Would he be forced to produce an heir with the wife, or would he be able to adopt the child of a high-ranking courtier, or maybe a sibling of a lower rank?

Can a physically disabled prince inherit, or would they pass it to the second son? If he inherits, would rival kingdoms try to overthrow him thinking that he was weak? Can he appoint a trusted knight as captain to fight in battles in his name?

As for an autistic royal, I know some cultures thought of it as either being touched by the divine or possessed by evil (I don't mean any offence, this actually happened to my aunt; it's wrong on so many counts but people were ignorant in the old days). How then if the child was royal? Would they cover it up or would they abandon the child? Maybe send the child to live at a distant location with a caretaker so no one knows the truth? What happens if the royal family dies (eg a plague) and the only surviving member is the autistic royal? Would they have to bring him out of hiding to take the throne?

Any other info you have, which I may not have thought of, would also be very greatly appreciated.

Sorry for the many questions. Thank you in advance for your help :)

Sometimes disabled royal children are hidden away from public view, especially if its a noticeable disability. Prince John of England was hidden away at the countryside because of his epilepsy and Tsarveitch Alexei was secluded at the Palace because of his haemophilia. Royal parents may have their child moved to a country estate to be looked after by a trusted governess. They would not exactly deny their child is disabled but they will likely avoid questions about them too. The court may hear but it will likely be ignored.

The succession may be effected if the heir is gay due to their unwillingness to have a heterosexual marriage and produce kids. Many times LGBTQI+ royals did marry just to produce children. They would also have favourites on the side and plenty LGBTQI+ monarchs did have them openly (King James I had his George Villiers, yes that King James who the Bibles are named after). An LGBTQI+ royal does not gave to marry but they can pass the throne to a younger sibling. They cannot just adopt a kid. Right to a throne is bloodright.

A disabled royal can inherit. Many royals of history had disabilities such as Richard III (severe scolisis) and Kaiser Wilhelm (severe nerve damage in his left arm). Another kingdom would definitely try test them but that doesn't mean they will succeed. Some disabled royals fought in battles themselves, Richard III was a great warrior for example. If they're not physically able, they can be at the battle but have others to fight for them.

Austism in historicak figures is hard to discern so I have few examples but I imagine it would be very like royals with any similar conditions. They would likely be very sheltered and kept in seclusion away from court. If the child has to inherit, then they must. They will be brought to court and taught all they need to know to be monarch.

[straybreeze]

GX MONTH 2021

Day 1: “Hero Signal”

We’re kicking things off with everyone’s favorite hero Judai/Jaden Yuki’s birthday! Show the fluffy boi some love!

Yay, this is my very first time participating in a Tumblr event! Thank you @gxmonth for making this, I'm so excited!

I tried my best to include my OC as well, I hope it won't be too cringe lol.

Also, I would like to remark here, that I'm not a native English speaker, so if I made any grammatical errors or other mistakes, please let me know!

Word count: 2475

Pairing: implied spiritshipping

Warnings: slight angst

Happy, happy birthday Judai.

The sun was already high on the endless blue sky, showering the small apartment room in golden light when a big, orange and round thing pushed the door open with its head. The cat made his way through the mess and straight to the bed, where his owner was still sleeping. Confuting his own respectable weight, he jumped easily into the bed and snuggled up to the sleeping boy’s side, purring loudly. The quiet snoring suddenly stopped as the boy slowly opened his deep brown eyes, his hand automatically searching for the cat’s fluffy head.

“Let me sleep, Pharaoh! Just five more minutes!” Judai pleaded and covered his eyes with his free hand.

But it had been proven to be an unacceptable answer to Pharaoh. If he was hungry, nothing was an excuse for being late for breakfast. And in fact, it was almost lunchtime.

“Meow!”

However, Judai still didn’t seem willing to move, so he had to try harder.

“Ouch! Pharaoh, I know you are hungry, but I’m not your food! Don’t eat me!” Judai moaned as he sat up reluctantly. He squinted in the vivid lights, reaching the phone on the nightstand. The screen was showing 11 AM and the date below: 31th August.

31st August. The last day of summer. And his birthday.

Judai almost forgot about his nineteenth birthday. But to be honest, this day is going to be just like any other of the past week. He had nothing to do besides sitting at home and feeding Pharaoh occasionally. There was no real difference from what he did ever since he arrived from his last journey.

In fact, he was stuck in Domino City and had to stay there until he would eventually get a phone call from Chancellor Samejima. In the past one year of his life, an incoming call from his ex-headmaster meant one thing: a new job is on the sight. Not that Judai minded that. He loved travelling around the world and solving intriguing cases with his dueling skills. He didn’t continue his studies in a college, nor joined the Pro Leagues like his other friends. No, he just did the same as in his Academia years: slacking and occasionally saving the day. That is the duty of the heroes after all.

…And at least he could be useful in something as well.

Judai spent the last two weeks in this apartment, which he and Johan were renting together. In the first days, it wasn’t so hard to stay put, but Johan went on a holiday to his family in Sweden more than a week ago. He promised that he will get home before the end of summer, yet he messaged his roommate that he had to stay for a few more days. So in the end, Judai was left alone for his birthday.

Okay, not completely alone. At least Pharaoh was there for him, he thought as he strolled out to the kitchen to find some breakfast for his hungry cat. And for himself.

One year had already passed since they graduated from Duel Academia. A lot of things happened to everyone and it appeared that nobody had the time to greet Judai on his birthday. At least none of his friends told him that they would like to see him today. No missed calls, no unread messages yet.

Have they already forgotten him?

No, that was nonsense. They might be just… busy.

Sho and Manjoume have joined the Pro Leagues right after their graduation, so they were already living their restless life just like his other pro friends, Edo and Kaiser. Well, in his Academia years Judai already got used to that Edo is as much unavailable as the Emperor of Japan himself, but it appeared that Kaiser is that kind of celebrity too. Since he more or less recovered from his heart condition, he started a Cyber Pro League along with Sho and they both attended various events actively in the country and lately overseas too. Of course, Kaiser was told that he must not overstrain himself and stress too much in general, but Judai would bet that he disregarded all of those rules anyway. Especially because he hadn’t talked to him in months, so he must be busy as hell as always.

On the other hand, as far as Judai knew the Tenjoin siblings still lived in North America – Asuka was still studying in Duel College for sure while her brother, Fubuki-san was… doing something too, he assumed? Judai hadn’t heard much of them lately, but he knew that Fubuki-san followed his younger sister to chase his dreams and become an idol abroad. Judai didn’t know much about the school system of America, so Asuka might have classes at this very moment, maybe that’s why she hasn’t called him yet.

For his younger friends, Kenzan graduated from Duel Academia this summer, while Rei is going to start her last year in October. Maybe they are both on a vacation right now, enjoying themselves on a beach or something. It was still summer anyway, Judai couldn’t blame them for that.

And oh, there was Aurora, too. She was the roommate of Edo (and maybe his stepsister as well? Or something more? Who knows. She was a mystery anyway), who befriended him less than a year ago. Judai supposed she doesn’t even know that this day is his birthday.

After he gave some salmon flavored cat food and fresh water to Pharaoh, he decided to grab a bowl of cereal for breakfast and lunch at once.

As much he wanted to act like his birthday was nothing, if it was just like any other day, it made him hurt deep inside that nobody, even his closest friends haven’t paid attention to him on his day. He already got used to that his parents don’t care about him, but he thought he found a new family in his friends.

Maybe he was wrong.

But hey, it was him who abandoned them in the first place, Judai reminded himself. He was the one who left the Academia without saying goodbye and ran away from them straight to another country. He shouldn’t feel sad, because he knew that their friends would be estranged from him sooner or later. And he was the only one to blame.

Judai was so lost deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that the milk was long overflowed the bowl and it was already spilling down the table. Pharaoh didn’t waste a single second: he leapt to the white liquid dripping from the edge of the table and licked it with such joy as if he had never tasted it before in his entire life.

“Dammit!” Judai moaned, then hastily wiped the milk off from the table and the parquet.

Oh well. He hadn’t been awake for ten whole minutes yet, but he already knew, birthday or no birthday, this was not going to be his day.

As the day continued, Judai climbed back to the bed and chose to do nothing today besides watching silly TV shows. He could have gone out at least for a walk, that’s true. He lived in Domino City after all, the city he loved the most. If you are a duelist, this is the best place for you in the entire world, especially if you live in downtown. The coast was not too far, Kaiba Land and other fun places were within easy reach too. But nothing was entertaining enough if you had no friends around.

“I feel like you’ve forgotten something,” Judai heard a familiar voice from all of a sudden. Slowly, the television screen became blurry as he was still staring at it, and a demonic shadow appeared at the end of his bed.

“Yubel,” he spoke their name aloud as he closed his eyes. “What did I forget?”

“Me,” came the obvious answer. “Why do you feel so lonely?”

“I’m not lonely. I’m just…” Judai began but then realized that the sentence had no continuation. “No, Yubel, everything’s good.”

“You sure?”

“Uh, yeah! I’m glad you’re here. It is enough for me.”

“You are a bad liar, Judai. You know that?”

“Hey, I mean it! I’m glad you are here, Yubel.”

“… I know.” Yubel smiled, gentler than it was imaginable from them. As they took a short break, their heterochromatic eyes curiously scanned the boy who was bound to them for an eternity. “But I still don’t understand, what is the matter with you?”

Judai didn’t answer their question. At least with words. He thought it was enough for an answer that he checked his phone every five minutes if someone messaged him already. But sadly, nobody had searched him so far.

It was already late afternoon when he finally heard the standard ringtone of his phone. He almost fell asleep again, and the vibrating sound made his heart pound in excitement. He immediately grabbed his phone, but when he checked the screen, he had mixed feelings.

The caller was Aurora, Edo’s roommate. And the last one who Judai thought would call him on his birthday.

“Hello, Rory! What up?” he greeted her, a soft smile unintentionally crossed his lips. But it had soon vanished when Aurora didn’t answer immediately. “Rory? Is something wrong?”

“Judai,” she spoke finally. Her usual melodic voice was trembling somewhat as if she was nervous. “I’m glad I could reach you!”

“Yeah, I mean, you could have totally called me all day! I had nothing to do, you know.” Maybe he shouldn’t have hinted things like these, but still.

“I see. Sorry, Judai, but may I ask you something?” Aurora’s voice still didn’t sound too firm.

“Sure, anytime!” Judai’s eyes sparkled at thought of the adventure. “But you’re fine, aren’t you?”

“Y-Yeah. I just… need to talk with someone. With you.”

“Really? Well, I’d gladly chat with you, but if you wanna talk about some… girlish thing, you know I’m not your man.”

“You will be completely fine. I wanna talk about something else, not girlish things.”

“Something happened with Edo maybe?” Judai guessed.

“Not at all! Ahw Judai, stop asking questions! I will tell you everything if I see you in person. So get ready and come!”

“Come where?”

“I’ll be waiting for you at the entrance of Kaiba Land in fifteen minutes.”

“Why there? You’re not even a duelist—„

“See you later, Judai!”

Before Judai could remark that he may not be there in fifteen minutes, Aurora had already hung up the phone. Surely, she became weirder and weirder. Maybe it was Edo who was a bad influence on her.

When Judai arrived at the said place, he was nearly jumping out of his skin. He was curious about what Aurora wanted to talk to him about, and at the same time, he was glad that he finally had a reason to leave the apartment.

Though it was still a bit unexpected that he would spend his birthday with Aurora, but why not? They were friends after all. He should have thought about her sooner.

“Judai!” Aurora shouted and waved him from the distance.

As he came closer, Aurora silently turned around and headed into the Park. It was almost sunset, the monstrous structures of Kaiba Land were glowing in orange.

“Okay, would you tell me now what are we doing here?” Judai asked while he barely could keep up with her.

“You will see, I promise!”

“Come on, Rory!”

“No worries, we are almost there!”

And that was all she told him, no matter how hard he tried to get more information. But the sparkle of hope ignited in his heart, that something bigger was standing behind this weird invitation.

Kaiba Land was slowly emptied out as the closing hour was coming, so they didn’t meet too many people. Especially as they got deeper and deeper into the amusement park.

They were nearby the rollercoaster when they finally stopped.

“Judai,” Aurora turned to him. “I know that this whole thing came from all of a sudden, and I’m so happy that you followed me without a question anyway.”

“Well, actually—”

“I hope you know that it means a lot to me. Not just me. To all of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Judai, you have amazing friends. And you are the best among the best for all of them.”

“Rory, I’m not sure I understa—„

“SURPRISE!!”

Shouts were coming from everywhere, and suddenly a shadow of a whole crowd appeared in the dim lights of the setting sun. Before Judai could have the time to react, a short figure stood out from them and started running towards him.

“Happy birthday, Aniki!” Sho shrieked as he bumped into Judai and embraced him closely. Shortly after, he found himself surrounded by people. Surrounded by his friends.

“Happy birthday, Judai!”

“Judai-sama! I wish the bestest birthday in the world to you!”

“Nice to see you, loser! Where the hell have you been for this long?”

“Yeah, Judai, we were all waiting for you!”

“Happy birthday, Aniki-don!”

“Damn, I missed you so much!”

Everyone was there. Asuka and Rei. Manjoume, Fubuki-san and Kenzan. Sho was still holding onto him, almost crying.

“Hehe, surprise! I came back from Sweden today just because of your big day!”

Even Johan was there. He came home finally! Judai couldn’t help, but sudden warmth flowed through his body as Johan hugged him along with everyone else. Even Manjoume was in the crew.

“Hey guys, you flatter me…”

“See, Edo? We almost missed the group hug because of you.” Another familiar voice came from the distance, and when Judai glanced up, he saw Kaiser Ryo and Edo Phoenix’s silhouettes were approaching them.

“Don’t blame me because Kaiba Seto himself wanted to talk with me. But I assume you can still join the group hug if you’re really that desperate.”

When the pros reached the crew, they greeted Judai in unison.

“Happy birthday, Judai!”

“You two…”

“In fact, these two were the masterminds for this plan,” Aurora joined the celebration too. “Happiest birthday for you!”

With suppressed tears in his eyes, Judai looked around his friends. Yeah, Aurora had right. He had the best friends in the world and now he felt terrible guilt that he had ever questioned them. Yubel were right after all, for not understanding what was his problem. Now he didn’t understand too.

“Okay, who wants some cake?”

“WAIT, we have cake?” Judai asked in shock. How the hell did they bring it to here?

“Of course! I mean you have it, Judai,” Asuka corrected him.

Before Judai could shout in happiness, his phone started ringing again. To his surprise, Chancellor Samejima called him.

“Happy birthday, Judai! Are you ready for your next adventure?”

Judai couldn’t help but smile again.

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] One Year

It had been an entire year.  Kaiser almost couldn't believe it.  Twelve months of being the unquestioned master of the Digital World - and the unquestioned Master of Motomiya Daisuke.  That was almost a little sweeter.  Though he really wasn't certain which he enjoyed more.  The two things wove around one another so very tightly that he couldn't separate them, and he didn't especially want to.

Right now, Daisuke knelt submissively at his feet, clad in the Kaiser's own colors, neat and clean, his eyes cast down, and if Kaiser had seen them, they would have been full of adoration for him.  That he approved of.  Which was, of course, why he'd arranged for Daisuke to have that in the first place.  The collar around Daisuke's neck made it impossible for him to think or remember or do or be anything that Kaiser didn't want him to be.

"Daisuke."  Kaiser said at last, and his slave looked up at once, large brown eyes focusing on him as if Kaiser were the source of all life.  Which, of course, he was as far as Daisuke was concerned.  Kaiser reached out to caress the side of Daisuke's face.  "Today is our anniversary.  You've belonged to me for a whole year now."  He nodded slightly to indicate that Daisuke could speak.

"It doesn't feel that long, master,"  Daisuke murmured, keeping his voice pitched properly low. "I think it only feels like a few days."

"I know.  I feel the same way."  Kaiser considered his options.  He had already decided not to have a celebration.  At least not one that multiple folk might be invited to - why would he even want that?  Digimon were little more than vaguely sentient lumps of data.  They meant nothing to him except as toys and tools.  But to celebrate his taking and taming of Daisuke?  That he would gladly do.  "I’ve had a special meal arranged for us tonight.  And I have a surprise for you as well."

Daisuke blinked a little.  "A surprise, Master?"  He worried at his lower lip.  "But I don't have anything for you."

And how could he, when Kaiser had everything?  But Kaiser only chuckled and patted Daisuke once again.  "You have yourself.  That's always what I want from you - just to be you for me.  Can you do that for me forever?"

"I will, Master!"  Daisuke declared, a few flickers of light burning in his eyes.  Kaiser leaned forward to brush his lips against Daisuke's.  Daisuke didn't hesitate for a second, but returned the kiss as much as he could.  Kaiser waited until what he knew was the absolute right moment then whispered a soft command.  Daisuke's ears might not hear it, but as close as he was, the collar would and that was what he wanted.

Daisuke stopped right away.  He blinked slowly, then his eyes cleared and he stared at Kaiser, building rage and anger overflowing.  For a moment he surged forward, but the collar hissed and sparked and he stopped where he was, shaking in unmeasured fury.  Kaiser chuckled.

"You haven't changed a bit,"  he purred, quite pleased to see this other side of Daisuke - what some people might call the "real" Daisuke.  Kaiser far preferred to think of him as the original Daisuke.  He didn't like to see him turn up all that often, preferred the Daisuke that he'd created, but this would do for a little amusement.

"How could I when you won't even let me exist?"  Daisuke snapped, his fingers tightening into fists.  The first time that Kaiser had allowed this, Daisuke had hit the wall until his knuckles bled.  Kaiser wasn't going to allow that.  What was his only could hurt as he declared it, and he hadn't declared it.

He fit a hand on Daisuke's cheek and smiled at him.  "That's not my problem. Do you really need to exist?  You're my property now.  I think we already went through this, though, didn't we?"

Daisuke trembled, clearly not liking how Kaiser touched him, and unable to do anything about it.  While his mind was in its original configuration,, his body remained suborned to the Kaiser's will, which meant he wasn't going to move unless Kaiser let him.  He probably wouldn't let him.  It was too much fun to see his frustration and fury in moments like this.

Kaiser toyed with his pet's hair.  "A whole year since I crushed those idiots and made you mine.  Do you think anyone even remembers you back there?  I doubt it.  They probably have written everyone off."  He suspected that wasn't entirely true.  He'd sealed the gateways but there were always the occasional moments when he thought someone prodded at them.  They couldn't get past his shielding. He thought it might well be the older Chosen.  Perhaps.  He would never know, because they weren't going to get in.

"I hate you.  I hate you so much,"  Daisuke hissed.  "You're a murderer.  You're awful.  You - you -"  Words failed him and Kaiser only smiled.

"What I am, is the winner."  Nothing else mattered t all.  He'd won. Finding out what to do with his victory was the difficult part.  He toyed now and then with removing the collar from Daisuke and breaking him the long, slow, hard way.  That would certainly offer quite a few challenges, and give him something interesting to look forward to.  Perhaps he'd let matters go on like this for a while, letting Daisuke remember that he existed now only as the Kaiser wanted him to, and only for as long as he wanted the other to.

It certainly sounded interesting, if only to him, and what else mattered?  Nothing, that was it.  Nothing at all.

"You didn't win anything."  Daisuke spat the words out, edged in rage and fury that only mounted with each passing moment.  "All you do is hurt people.  Kill people."

"Now, now that's not quite true."  He caught Daisuke's chin and turned it so he could stare into those deep brown eyes.  He did think that he liked this look far more than the absolute submissiveness of his creation.  It reminded him of the old days, when Daisuke fought against him, and it was somewhat of a challenge.  "I can also do things to you."

"That comes under hurting people,"  Daisuke growled.  "Let me go!  Let me go home!"

"You are home.  You are mine and you belong to me."  Kaiser traced Daisuke's lips with one finger.  "I might have to teach you that.  In fact, I know just how to do it."  After the last year, he knew Daisuke far better than the other could believe.  He could pick all the information he wanted from Daisuke's brain and the other wouldn't even be aware of it if his Master didn't want him to be.  Normally he didn't want him to be.  Daisuke was far more tractable when he was little more than a lump of malleable flesh. 

More tractable but not as interesting and truth to tell, Kaiser wanted something more interesting on some days.  He'd captured almost all of the Digimon running free and once he did that, they were easy to fit with a Ring or a Spiral, and that left them as no challenge whatsoever.  He'd heard rumors that there were a few survivors who called themselves a resistance, but he'd never found any real traces of them.  He suspected that they weren't anything more than vague whispers on the wind, sent by those he hadn't caught yet to give one another hope.

But he did want to crush those little slivers of hope, because if they caught into the correct fertile ground, they could become real hope and he wanted none of that.  Even those Digimon that he hadn't captured yet needed to know that they all belonged to him.  His territory was wide and far-ranging and he discovered day by day that there was more that he hadn't been able to get to.  Part of him liked that.  Part of him didn't. 

Being the unquestioned Kaiser wasn't without its issues.  That was why he stayed here and didn't just give it all up as a bad job to go back to Earth.  They would never appreciate him there regardless. 

And while he refused to admit it, a part of him didn't want to go back, because he suspected if he did, there would be questions about what happened to the other Chosen.  From the surviving older ones, if nothing else.  He wasn't going to let that happen. 

He toyed his fingers through Daisuke's hair.  "Come along,"  he ordered, rising to his feet.  He arranged for what he wanted in moments, then headed out to his personal favorite arena.  Daisuke followed along, his movements a little slower and jerkier than Kaiser would have liked.  Perhaps he'd have to give him more control more often.  His servant - his consort - should be more graceful than that.

Kaiser might still be but twelve, but the longer he only had Daisuke around, the more thoughts of certain natures occurred to him.  Not that they never had before, but he knew what would happen in due course.  He wasn't ready for it to happen yet, but they slept in the same bed every night, and he favored Daisuke with kisses whenever the mood struck him.  Perhaps in another year or two he would feel ready for more.  The question would then become if he should consummate the relationship with Daisuke's mind in full awareness or with the submissive, obedient slave who would do anything to please his master.  or both - both would be interesting.  Not at the same time; not even he could accomplish that. But one night for one and one night for another?  That he could easily manage.

He did look forward to that in the future.  But all in good time.  He wanted to ensure it was worth the anticipation.

Soon the two of them sat overseeing the arena.  Or rather, he sat in his throne, and Daisuke knelt down at his feet, attention on the arena below.  Kaiser gave an order, and two Digimon came out there - Agumon and Gabumon.  They were the ones who had been partnered to Yagami and Ishida - technically they probably still were, but that meant nothing now.  Both of them sported Evil Spirals - he would be able to evolve them if he so desired.  But for now, he simply gave the order, and the two of them began to spar against one another.

At his order, Daisuke watched, unable to turn his head away, and Kaiser watched in pure enjoyment.  He didn't know which he liked better, watching the combat itself, or watching Daisuke watch it, and clearly hating every second of it.  He passed his own time by stroking the back of Daisuke's head.  He'd learned months ago that Daisuke had a very sensitive scalp, and combining stroking there with the torment before him made for a very pleasant interaction in his opinion.  Daisuke hated it when Kaiser made him feel good, so Kaiser went out of his way to ensure that he made Daisuke feel very good.

A thought occurred to him, and he ordered, "Stand up.  Sit here."  He indicated his lap.  Daisuke's eyes widened, even as the collar forced him to obey.  Kaiser enjoyed the weight of Daisuke there, even more so than he enjoyed seeing Daisuke humbled and tamed before him.  He ran his fingers alongside Daisuke's skin and breathed in the scent of his rage.  So pleasant.  So enticing.  This was the greatest reward of his conquest - a true trophy in every sense of the word.  He would be thrilled to one day take it beyond.  For now, he savored the feel of Daisuke's hate and pleasure all mixed into one heady cocktail.

The battle beneath kept on going, lightning and ice dancing around one another.  He enjoyed the show there as well.  If there was one thing that he liked, it was those who'd once fought against him now being his devoted slaves, doing whatever he ordered and pleasing him with it.

"I hate you,"  Daisuke whispered.  "I'm always going to hate you.  You've taken everything from me."

"And I give you even more.  You're safe.  You don't have to fight anymore.  you don't have to go to school anymore, or have people around who mistreat you.  You don't have to worry about where your next meal is coming from or where you're going to sleep at night.  You're absolutely safe."  Kaiser circled his arms around Daisuke's waist and held him close.  "Whatever could you want that I haven't given you?"

"My friends!  My home!  Not being tortured by you!  My partner!"  Daisuke snapped.  Kaiser remembered why he didn't like to do this very often. Daisuke always ranted about what he'd lost instead of thinking about all that he'd gained.  Perhaps it would be interesting to attempt that intensive training.  The idea had merit.

"None of that meant anything.  I am keeping you and we have had this discussion too many times.  Now watch the show and if you can't say anything new, then be quiet,"  Kaiser ordered.  He didn't expect to hear from Daisuke again unless he ordered it any time soon.

A tiny bit of something fell and Kaiser glanced up.  It wasn't getting ready to rain, so what had that dampness been?  He frowned - it was a tear.  A tear coming from Daisuke.  Really, what did the other think he had to cry about?  Would he have to teach him what pain meant – again.

Perhaps he would.  Daisuke only seemed to respond to pain these days.  Well.  He could do that.  He was very, very good at hurting people.  One must do what one was best at.  And he would do that for a very long time.

The End

Notes: Okay, this week I’m going to catch up on some old series. Not every time, but for some of them. Let’s go!

Those of you who have read Interruptions and Annoyances can probably guess that Ken did eventually take the time ot break Daisuke the long and slow way. Fun was not had by anyone – except Ken. And probably me.

[punchoutheadcanons]

actually, what would all the fighters be like when you ask for an autograph?

Aww! I like this idea.

Doc Louis: “An autograph? Shoot, I haven’t had anyone ask me that in a long time...Sure thing!”

Little Mac: “O-oh wait? Seriously? Sure just let me find a pen—“ He gets nervous and is humble about it, he wouldn’t expect someone to notice him.

Glass Joe: “I thought nobody would ask me that! But sure, I’ll give you one..” *is blushing a bit out of humility and nervousness* Yeah Joe’s nervous but humble when it comes to fans, they always show up when he least expects it.

Von Kaiser: Kaiser will only give you an autograph if you ask politely and provide him with something to write with. He doesn’t like annoying fans and doesn’t enjoy being well known but if you want an autograph from him, he’d be sure to give you one in private.

Disco Kid: He would be the one to write, “Follow your dreams! If you’re happy then you’re truly successful!” Or other cutesy cheesy quotes like that. He loves fans when he gets recognized.

King Hippo: He doesn’t write that well, so instead of signing his name he draws a big smiley face with a crown on it. Don’t worry, it’s authentic! He loves giving out autographs to fans, even with the small following he has in the US.

Piston Hondo: He’ll gladly sign anything you want him to. He’ll also write “あなたは一番です!” after his signature; Which means “You are number 1!” in Kanji.

Bear Hugger: Oh he’s all about the autographs, hell he doesn’t even mind a picture. He loves his fans, especially if they’re youngins, he loves to sign whatever you got for him.

Great Tiger: He doesn’t mind a quick picture as well as an autograph, he is very grateful to have fans. He also has AMMACULATE handwriting. Like—His cursive is so perfect.

Don Flamenco: He’s also one with really nice handwriting. He puts hearts after every sentence. But he’s willing to give you an autograph, he doesn’t mind. He knows that wherever he goes he’s going to get noticed, so he accepts it he kinda milks it a little and it almost goes to his head about how “famous” he is.

Aran: He loves giving out autographs more than anything. Mostly because he can get away with writing real dumb shit on your poster or whatever you have. If you’re lucky he’ll even snap a photo with you or if he thinks you’re cute.

Soda Popinski: Not really an autograph guy because he doesn’t know how to write an in English, but would love to take a picture with you! But if you’re insisting that you want an autograph, he’ll write “сода попинская” which is his name in Russian.

Bald Bull: He already dislikes it enough when he’s being followed by paparazzi and being noticed in any way in Turkey. So, he dislikes it when fans comes up to him asking for autographs. But his alternative to disappointment his real fans is that—You can send fan mail to him to his P.O. Box, and you can ask him for an autograph via mail. It’s way less physical interaction with fans, plus he also love reading fan mail.

Super Macho Man: lets be honest you’ve all been waiting for this man right here HE LOVES it when he gets noticed by his fans. He does it all, photos, autographs, hell he’ll even sign your shirt or something. Dude’s also always prepared—Like this man carries a sharpie or any writing utensil everywhere he goes.

Mr. Sandman: He isn’t a huge fan of being chased by paparazzi or fans over an autograph. His rule is, “If I sign for one, I have to sign for a whole crowd.” But if you catch him in a moment where he isn’t surrounded by people, he’ll give you one.

Aaaand now onto Super Punch Out!

Birdie Mac/Peter Punch: “Ah, sure I’ll give you one!”

Gabby Jay: “An autograph eh? How on earth did you know who I am? Ah well, an autograph it is then!”

Piston Hurricane: He’ll happily give you an autograph, he loves it when he gets approached by his fans.

Bob Charlie: More of a photo guy, he loves taking pictures with fans. But he won’t deny an autograph if insisted on.

Masked Muscle: He’s shy with fans, doesn’t like being approached but hates saying no to fans. He’ll give you one quietly and then he’ll go so he doesn’t get noticed by anyone else.

Heike Kagero: Loves giving out autographs to show off how nice his handwriting is. And he’s not wrong to brag either, it is really pretty to look at.

Mad Clown: “Step right up I suppose! I ain’t got nothing better to do...” The larger the crowd, the better—This dude is such an extrovert he thrives off the energy of his fans. He’ll be the one to make them form a line to get an autograph from him.

Narcis Prince: HATES it when fans approach him, he’ll shoo you off by just signing something really quickly and running off.

Hoy Quarlow: He’s really humble about meeting fans in general, so he’s more than happy to give you an autograph.

Rick Bruiser: He doesn’t mind autographs, he’s really humble with his fans about meeting them and such.

Nick Bruiser: He doesn’t like fans, but he tolerates the crowd—He expects it after all, though he wishes he could change it. It gets too much for him if he gets too overwhelmed.

[yikesharringrove]

maybe? 👉👈 steve taking a really long time with college (like on one year and off one yours year, on, off, on, off) and he still doesn't really know what he wants to do and he gets really frustrated bc billy just did college all in one go and steve is taking forever and he feels down on himself? idk im feeling the whump rn???

Steve had left high school having no idea what he wanted from the rest of his life.

That’s not true, he had some idea.

He knew he wanted to leave Hawkins, follow Billy wherever he was going. He knew he wanted to be with Billy for the rest of his life, he knew he wanted to leave the past behind and make new friends, people who were kind, and fun, and didn’t bat an eye when Billy pulled him into his lap.

But that’s about it.

So when Billy graduates high school, and gets a full ride to UC Berkeley, and they move into a cheap apartment in downtown Oakland, Steve is so happy that he got out.

He gets a job waiting tables at a restaurant down the street, pays half the rent and buys the groceries while Billy’s in class.

But then two years pass, and Billy’s soaring through college, working to his degrees, plural, because he just couldn’t decide between studying English Literature or Biology with a focus in research.

So he’s majoring in both and getting a minor in Italian because then I’ll know what you’re sayin’ when you start horny babblin’.

And Steve was at the same restaurant.

True, he was assistant manager now, and it came with a pretty okay raise, and he even gets dental insurance, but he feels so stuck.

So he enrolls in community college.

He starts with some general classes, still completely unsure of what he wants to study.

Billy said it was okay to just rule out things you don’t want to study, to nearly fail a math course and know that accounting is not for you.

So when Steve finishes his first year, he at least knows what he doesn’t want to pursue.

Meanwhile Billy has an internship at a lab through Kaiser Permanente. And he can read and write Italian than Steve can.

Steve is walking home from his job at the restaurant when it happens. He’s crossing the street, and gets hit by a car.

He’s taken to the hospital, where he’s informed of a fractured spine and another concussion.

He’s told his injury could’ve been much more severe, that he will not experience paralysis, but he needs physical therapy and walking will be difficult for a while.

Their finances take a big hit.

Billy’s internship doesn’t pay super well, and with Steve being unable to work for the foreseeable future, he’s fired.

Billy has insurance through the school, but because on paper, he and Steve have no real relation, Steve’s medical bills come out of pocket.

So Steve is bedridden for months. He can’t work or get groceries, or do fucking anything but lay there.

They can’t afford physical therapy.

But Billy has a friend studying to be a PT, and she comes over every Saturday, and practices her technique on him in exchange for ten bucks and a few beers.

And so the money Steve tucked away for school is rapidly diminishing.

By the time Billy graduates, Steve is a year into recovery. He still gets dizzy at odd intervals, and his back gets stiff when it rains, but Billy gets a job right away, doing research on flu vaccines.

And Steve goes back to work.

He gets a desk job, something he won’t have to be on his feet all day for. He works reception for a message therapist, which comes with free massages, which work wonders on his back.

So in the fall, he decides to give his education another shot.

He learns that history is not for him, and that his nutrition course was fine until they began looking into how the body processes nutrients, and he was fucking lost. He takes a few business classes, thinking, hoping genetics would take over and this is something he could do.

But his dad was right to take away the job opportunity at his own firm. Steve was not cut out for this.

After a year of research, Billy is promoted three times. He ends up working on some extremely important study that Steve does not understand for the fucking life of him.

But he sits and listens every time Billy explains what he did that day, even though Steve gets so sad when Billy mentions having to kill the lab mice to study their bodies.

So Steve is two years into community college, five years into living in Oakland with Billy, and he still is lost.

He takes a semester off, working more hours, trying to save up some money.

Because Billy is beginning to think about grad school, and that shit’s not cheap.

But Billy decides to postpone that, work for a few more years, and besides, he’s caught between studying something to put him in a research field, or just straight up going to medical school to study infectious disease.

Because Billy could. He’s smart enough for medical school, smart enough to research and be a doctor.

And Steve has a smushy spine and half a degree in nothing.

A semester off turns into a year.

A year and a semester.

Two years.

They’ve been in California for seven years, and Billy gets into grad school in San Diego. They move south and Billy spends late nights pursuing a Masters in Immunology.

And Steve works the front desk at a pediatrician’s office.

He’s flipping through a course catalog from the San Diego Community College when Billy comes home from his new job, the position he got after applying to only three labs.

He kissed the top of Steve’s head, moving to grab himself a beer from the fridge.

“You thinkin’ of going back?”

“I don’t know.” Steve slid the catalog closed. “Is it even worth it?”

“That’s something you have to decide.” Billy sat down, sliding the catalog towards him. Steve had crossed off the classes he had already taken, the ones he new he wouldn’t like.  “And you know, going to school isn’t the only option. You could get an apprenticeship, master a trade.”

“I can’t do anything where I need to bend over for really any length of time. So that rules out plumber, and car mechanic, and anything physical like construction, or landscaping or even general contracting is right out.”

Steve could feel the old shame, the doubt and the self hatred crawling up his spine.

“I have nothing to offer. I have no discerning skills, and in seven years I’ve only made it through two years of goddamn community college, and here you are, ripping through grad school like a fourth degree is easy.”

“Stevie, you’ve got a lot to offer. We just gotta find something that suits you.” He took Steve’s pen, turning to the back page of the catalog. “Okay, we’re gonna write down all of you strengths, and think of career paths that could fit those. I’ll go first, you’re extremely caring. You’d be good at any career where you care for people.”

“But I can’t study nursing or something, I barely understood my biology 101 course. Plus, nurses are strong. I can’t lift more than like, thirty pounds.”

“There’re way more caring fields than nursing, Pretty Boy. Although I would love if you were my nurse.” Billy smirked at him, leaning in to plant a sloppy kiss to Steve’s cheek as he rolled his eyes. “Another strength: your emotional intelligence is through the fucking roof.” He wrote it down. “Okay, I’ve said tow, so you say one.”

“Um, I think that I’m good at making people laugh?”

“Yes! You are. Perfect.” Billy scribbled it down. “You’re a good leader.”

“I’m pretty good at reading people.” Billy wrote Intuitive, can smell a douchebag from a mile away.

“You’re good under pressure.”

“Sometimes.”

“Every time I’ve seen. You’re good at keeping calm and keeping others calm.”

“I guess.”

“Nah, Stevie. Positives only. Say a strength.”

“I’m, uh, I’m good at, bilingual?” Billy stared at him. “Like, I’m bilingual.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think that was English, even.” Steve slapped his chest, Billy laughed. “I’m joking. You are bilingual. You’re also really good at making others feel safe.”

“I was always pretty alright at public speaking.”

“You’ve got a great eye for detail.”

“I’m good at teamwork, and delegating.”

“You’re really compassionate, too.” Billy drew a line under the strengths side. “Okay, so now we’ve got some of your strengths, think about what you’d want in a job, and we can match everything up and think about some careers that could fit.” Steve nodded, racking his brain.

“Um, I would want to work with kind people, I would kind of like to do something, you know, worthwhile. I’d like to be in charge of something. Like it’s fine if I have a boss to answer to, but I’d like to be fairly independent.”

“I already have so many ideas.”

“Lay ‘em on me.” Steve sat back, closing his eyes to try and picture everything Billy threw out.

“I’ve actually always thought you’d be a really good teacher. Especially if you did like, kindergarten. Just got to be around little kids all day.” Steve could actually see it. “I also think you’d be a could social worker, like to work with Child Protective Services, or something. Um, you’d be good at even planning. Or I think you’d be really good working at a nonprofit of some kind. Maybe you could be the event planner for a nonprofit.”

And Steve was sitting there, and suddenly, he had four career paths, just sitting right in front of him. Four super attainable career paths.

“Wait, wait those make sense.” Billy beamed at him.

“Yeah, that’s because I know you, Pretty Boy.” Billy opened the catalog. “So, I think if you choose to enroll, you should pick a few classes, like, Intro to Social Work, Early Childhood Education 100, and maybe like, Sociology, and see from there.”

Steve stared at the course descriptions for what Billy circled.

“Thank you for helping me. I’m sorry this has taken me so long.”

“It’s okay. Everyone is on a different timeline. And it’s not like you got to explore options in high school. You were told business until your dad decided that nevermind. So it’s understandable that this took you a minute. Plus, you went through hell with your back.”

Steve sat up straight, stretching out his back.

“But, I mean, the back thing kinda happened to you too, and you still made it through all your schooling.”

“Sure, I watched you go through it, but I was not in the pain you were. And like, emotionally, it fucking sucked to watch the love of my goddamn life go through something, and I couldn’t even afford therapy. Like, I felt so helpless, but that’s nothing to what you went through literally experiencing it.” Steve took Billy’s hand, linking their fingers together, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“You did the best you could. Everything was shit for like, that whole year.”

“I cannot telly you how many times I would go into an individual study room in the library and just like, sob for a while.And then I’d get so mad at myself, thinking of you at home, hurting and not even able to get yourself out of bed, and I’d race home feeling like shit.”

Steve scrubbed his fingers through Billy’s hair. He had cut it a while ago, kept it short these days.

“You were doing everything you could for me. I would just sit in bed all day, and think about how amazing you are. Like I would just think about all the good times we’ve had together, and how much I love you.”

“That explains why we didn’t fight for like, that whole year.” Steve laughed. Billy leaned to kiss him softly.

“And you know, even now we’ve done this, there’s still no rush on you. You don’t have to go back to school this year, of this decade, or anytime until you’re ready. Until you want to.”

“Well now, I feel like there’s a fucking light at the end of the tunnel. I’m almost, excited. Is this how you feel? Excited to go to school?”

“Welcome to the nerd life, Sweet Thing.” Billy drained the last of his beer. “You wanna go out tonight? Celebrate?”

“Like, go out to dinner, or go out?”

“Oh, just like dinner. Be home by eight thirty, in bed by nine, missionary with the lights off, and asleep by nine fifteen.”

“Sign me the fuck up.”

[ingek73]

Duchess Meghan: ‘I share this victory with each of you… we all deserve better’

Royal Ascot, United Kingdom, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex

February 12, 2021

By Kaiser

The big news yesterday was that Justice Warby ruled in favor of the Duchess of Sussex in her summary judgment. This pertains to her lawsuit against the Mail/Mail on Sunday, which in 2019 published long excerpts from Meghan’s handwritten letter to her father, Thomas Markle. Meghan sued the Mail for copyright infringement, among other things. While Justice Warby allowed the Mail’s lawyers to grossly expand their defense and cause numerous delays for extended fishing expeditions into Meghan’s life, the judge ended up finding in favor of Meghan. The facts of the case were always pretty simple, and it would have been an open-and-shut case, but the Mail wanted to make it into a huge, years-long mud-slinging melodrama. In the Mail’s coverage of the case they lost, they noted “The Mail on Sunday and MailOnline said they would be considering an appeal.” The newspaper’s spokesperson expressed surprise and disappointment and proclaimed that they “carefully consider the judgement’s contents and will decide in due course whether to lodge an appeal.” LOL.

As for the summary judgment, it’s full of interesting details and, well, judgments from Judge Warby. As I’ve read more of the text of the summary judgment and more analysis, I understand that this really was a completely solid WIN for Meghan. Justice Warby said – in polite Brit-speak – that the Mail’s case is deranged and unhinged and they’re just out here claiming all kinds of ridiculous sh-t about Meghan. He rejected the idea that the People cover story in January 2019 necessitated Thomas Markle’s release/sale of Meghan’s letter. He rejected the notion that Meghan gave up her right to privacy by marrying Harry. He said plainly that all of the hysteria over what Meghan and her staff might have told Omid Scobie doesn’t mean anything to this case. He used words like “flimsy,” “hopeless,” “fanciful” and “unlawful” to describe the Mail’s actions and their defense. Goldburn P. Maynard Jr. did an excellent thread explaining the summary judgment:

Justice Warby set a date for the next hearing/trial/whatever for March 2nd, which will be when he possibly hears if there is any other other copyright claim for the letter, meaning if Jason Knauf or the other “Palace Four” want to come forward and say that they co-wrote the letter, now would be the time to do it. If not, damages will be awarded solely to Meghan for the violation of HER copyright. Speaking of, Meghan issued a statement after she won her case:

“After two long years of pursuing litigation, I am grateful to the courts for holding Associated Newspapers and The Mail on Sunday to account for their illegal and dehumanizing practices. These tactics (and those of their sister publications MailOnline and the Daily Mail) are not new; in fact, they’ve been going on for far too long without consequence. For these outlets, it’s a game. For me and so many others, it’s real life, real relationships, and very real sadness. The damage they have done and continue to do runs deep.”

“The world needs reliable, fact-checked, high-quality news. What The Mail on Sunday and its partner publications do is the opposite. We all lose when misinformation sells more than truth, when moral exploitation sells more than decency, and when companies create their business model to profit from people’s pain. But for today, with this comprehensive win on both privacy and copyright, we have all won. We now know, and hope it creates legal precedent, that you cannot take somebody’s privacy and exploit it in a privacy case, as the defendant has blatantly done over the past two years.

“I share this victory with each of you—because we all deserve justice and truth, and we all deserve better.

“I particularly want to thank my husband, mom, and legal team, and especially Jenny Afia for her unrelenting support throughout this process.”

[From CNN]

Jenny Afia is one of Meghan’s lawyers at Schillings, the law firm Meghan hired to defend her in this case. Meghan didn’t go with one the Queen’s lawyers. That was important. Diana didn’t go with the Queen’s lawyers either for her legal matters. As for the statement… Meghan is deeply relieved to get this off her back. I doubt she imagined that it would drag on this long, and that the Mail would use her lawsuit to drag her even harder. I hope she ends up with a HUGE amount in damages.

[maochira]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well! If it’s not a problem, it’s possible some drabbles for Aryu, Kuon, Kaiser and Chigiri with an s/o who doesn’t like to be touched (especially their hair) but they are an exception; + bonus reader is secretly touch starved.

Hope I didn't break/forget any rules :)

Kisses from Brazil! <3

— Mel.

Sure I can do that!!

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, established relationship

Aryu knows very well how sensitive you are to being touched. Although he's fully aware of being an exception to that, he's overly careful when it comes to any kind of physical contact. He always asks if it's okay when it comes to anything. No matter if it's holding hands, hugs, cuddling or readjusting your clothes - Aryu treats you with as much care as he can to not make you uncomfortable.

Kuon would love to touch you more, but he's always hesitant because he's afraid he might be doing it too much. He knows you're okay with being touched by him, but he's still careful to not crods any boundaries. Instead, he waits for you to innitiate things like holding hands and cuddles so he can be sure you really want it. And even then, his touch is very gentle, but he also pulls you very close to his body.

Kaiser pays a lot of attention to the people arouns you so he can step in at any time when they get too close. He knows how much you hate being touched by others and wouldn't hesitate hitting someone's hand if they try to touch you. Kaiser has started arguments many times because some people just don't understand no means no. Your boyfriend also takes a lot of pride from the fact that he's the only one who you're okay with being touched by.

Chigiri absolutely loves to brush and style your hair, and he's glad you always allow him to do it when he asks. He always treats you very gently and makes sure to not accidentally pull your hair too much, so he usually chooses something simple that also doesn't take long. But especially because you have pretty hairstyles most of the time, people think it's okay to just touch your hair. Not only does that bother Chigiri because he put work into that and doesn't want anything to fall out of place, but also because he knows that you're the most sensitive about your hair being touched. Chigiri always steps in quickly if someone only reaches their hand out towards you and tells them to stop.

Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @luvcalico @remy-roll @thedaisy78 @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @acacIa @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @chaosinanutshell @astruosie @zyuuuu @yerinsshi @rienniey @kalinkavx @rrueyuo @weichspuelertrinker @kermitslefteyeball11 @yueyingwrld @yuehailin @keiidaydreams @takorirei @sagejin @ririgards @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser @userwithlotsoftime @yellowelectroslime @nikokii @quite-eerie @blueberrryui @mang0

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“triad”

Chapter 3: the wager

Why do I do this to myself. Here’s a link to the Ao3 chapter.

Ch Summary: The election of the 29th Wizard King continues. MC (Lisa? Idk what to call her at this point) finally has the attention of all 9 captains, and she’s going to hold it until the votes have to be cast. Who will be the first to obtain the required 5 votes?

No one dares speak for the next few moments, the weight of my words finally sinking in slowly but surely. Then, the first person to move is William, who hasn't looked up from the table since he gave up his candidacy. He doesn't say anything, and his face barely betrays any emotion but... interest. But it's the first movement after I made my move, a movement that's opened the door for more.

Several people start talking at once, faltering once they realize that they're all talking over each other before starting up again. The only people not talking are Yami and William. William just stares at me, while Yami just closes his eyes and starts to laugh, adding to the growing dihn.

"You?"

"Ka ka, you really just said that to a room full of captains?"

"Wah! That was just out of left field!"

"Did you and Julius talk about this beforehand?"

"Hold on, hold on! Let me explain myself!"

I hold up a hand and, to my delight, they immediately fall silent. I raise an eyebrow at the weirdly-quick response, then let a smile grow on my lips. Maybe they're just afraid to offend me because I'm a widow now or something... but I'm going to spin this as hard as I can. "See? It seems like you all already hold a little bit of respect for me. After all, most of us have been comrades for years and years, right?"

A few of them nod. Charlotte doesn't speak again, but is obviously sizing up my every move. Jack leans back in his chair, tapping his long nails on the arm. Kaiser fiddles with his mustache, distracted, but doesn't take his eyes off me.

"So... how long have you had this in mind?" Fuegoleon is the next one to speak, leaning forward slightly on the table, his one flickering arm of fire reflecting off the shiny wood surface. His eyes are hardened, almost... pained? I hope I didn't actually hurt his feelings or something, but I can't blame him for being shocked by my declaration that I was serious about this. Because, at the end of the day, it wasn't premeditated. Not... technically.

"Not long at all. If you think this was something I've been plotting for a while, I'm sorry to disappoint you." I fold my hands neatly on the table, glad that I seem to be staying calm for now. "It wasn't until... well..." How do I explain that I talked to Julius in the afterlife? That's going to sound fake... So, I decide to lie. "Right before the operation with the Royal Knights. I... I told him that, if something were to happen to him, I would be willing to step up and take his place, and he agreed." That part isn't a complete lie, because he did answer "good" when I told him. "Trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it was in the Kingdom's best interest."

"The Kingdom's best interest..." Nozel coldly repeats my last phrase. "Care to explain why you think it is?"

"Why yes, no need to be so harsh, Nozel." I keep my smile on my face, remembering how Julius always managed to be kind to people who were pissing him off. Nozel is far from the worst people I've ever met, but his sudden hostility is off-putting, especially since he seems to be dragging Fuegoleon along with him. "I don't doubt that you or Fuegoleon would do great, but this is a tricky situation."

Fuegoleon's eyes narrow even more. "How so?"

"Well, just look around-" I point out the window. "The Kingdom is in shambles. We're more fragmented than ever before, and that makes us vulnerable to attack. I wouldn't be surprised if the Diamond or Spade Kingdoms started an invasion campaign within the next few months. We need someone who can hold this all together, and provide the most important strength we can get... continuity." I can tell I have their attentions now, so I don't let go of my audience while I have this chance.

"On average, the Wizard King rules for 17 years. Julius only got 8, not even half of what's normal. This kind of transition is rough, so the prime candidate to succeed him is someone who worked closely with him, who understands Julius's kingdom better than anyone else. And that person is me."

"So? Anyone could do that," Dorothy finally decides to speak up, a little smile on her face. I have a feeling that she's just throwing her opinion into the fray for fun. "We're all part of the upper echelon of power here, don't you think we all have a good understanding?"

"Good point!" I hold up my hands sheepishly. "But that's the thing- Now more than ever, we shouldn't remove a Captain from their post."

"What? Why not? For continuity?" Nozel asks before I can explain further. "The Wizard King has always been promoted from Captain. It's been that way for years."

"Yes, yes, I know! But think about it," I insist. "We need experienced captains in charge of their squads right now, changing anything that important right now could cause problems down the road. We need stability in our squads if we're to have stability in our Kingdom, so removing a Captain would be irresponsible."

"Irresponsible? That's a bit bold of you." Kaiser chuckles, shaking his head. "Even if you're right about this attack, do you think you'd be approved by the King?"

Uh oh. I was afraid they would bring this up. My history with Augustus is... rocky, to say the least. "Are you saying that just because I'm a commoner, Kaiser?"

He shrugs. "No... well, that's definitely a factor to bring up-"

"Well, I am a commoner. But I'm a commoner that has a more intimate understanding of this Kingdom than any of you do." I don't mean for my words to come out so harshly, but he hit a nerve that's pretty close to my heart."

Ka ka, intimate, is that because-"

Jack makes the wise decision to shut up when I shoot him a glare.

"You've all seen my magic, right?" Everyone nods one after the other, all staring at me with the same look in their eyes. For a moment, that look makes me want to shrink down into my chair and disappear under the table.

It's like... they're afraid. Not afraid of me, but afraid for me.

"Then you know... I can use Julius's time magic, because of this magic mark on my head." I point to the mark, my voice soft and metered despite the waves of emotion tumbling within me. "That's not the only thing of his I have... because of my Dyad spell, I have a shard of his soul within me. And along with that, his memories. The last part of him left on this earth... I'm the one who carries it."

Well... it's not the only thing of his left. Under the table, I let my hand drift up and ghost over my stomach softly, protectively at the reminder that I carry another shard of his life there.

"I know I'm just a commoner, part foreigner, someone who was even kicked out of the Magic Knights. But despite all that, Julius trusted me with everything he had. So... make me the Wizard King. I'm the one who can lead this Kingdom back to our peak."

There's really not much else I can say. The second phase of my plan will have to commence after the first vote... which, if everything goes according to plan, will not result in my victory. In fact, it won't result in anyone's victory. That's the wager I'm making, and there's just a few moments left before I have to spring back into action.

"Well, if we're ready, we'll vote." Marx finally steps in to keep things in order before more people can challenge me. "I'll conduct the election, since I'm er- impartial." He shoots me a glance, but I know he's just as powerless as me in this situation. "You ready?"

"But first-" I look over to see Nozel pointing at me. "You can't be in here."

My mouth nearly flops open at the order. "C-Captain Nozel, she's a candidate, she has as much right to be here as you-" 

"I don't want anyone other than those casting the votes and you to be in here-" Nozel cuts him off, his voice like ice. It takes everything I have to keep from wincing- his words hurt just like the icicle I just referred to. "I wouldn't want to do anything to corrupt the legitimacy of this decision."

I finally let my displeasure show on my face. Nozel is pushing me to my limit. "Excuse me, bt-"

"Nozel, don't make trouble." We're both interrupted by Fuegoleon, who has closed his eyes, giving in. "I just want to get this over with."

Nozel sniffs in a long breath before nodding. "Fine."

"Yeah, after all, braid boy-" Yami finally speaks up, smirking around his cigarette. "You'll probably have to call her King soon. Now's not the time to burn bridges, hehe."

Everyone stares at him as if he grew a second head. Oough... that's not a good sign. "...Y-Yami..." Charlotte whispers, her eyes wide. "You want to vote for her?"

For some reason, that statement from Charlotte hurts more than anything anyone else has said today. Just a few weeks ago, she and her were shopping together for my wedding dress, and I was teasing her about her crush on Yami. But... even she won't give me the benefit of the doubt? So... the captains are just that hostile to the thought of an outsider becoming Wizard King. Well, if that's really the case, it makes me want it even more. 

"Why not? She made a good case." Yami leans back in his chair, a shit-eating grin on his face. "It'll be fun, anyway."

I give him a small smile, but Marx butts in before I can say anything else. "Alright, alright, if that's settled, we'll begin the voting." Marx produces a paper and pen before taking a deep breath. "We'll go clockwise around the table... starting with you, Fuegoleon."

I quickly give the table a once-over, seeing what order the voting will happen in. Ooh! This is good... All the important votes are earlier on...

"Fuegoleon?"

"I vote for myself."

"Nozel?"

"Also myself."

"Yami?"

"Forehead girl."

"Please use proper names. Dorothy?"

"Nozel!"

"Kaiser?"

"Lord Fuegoleon."

"William?"

"...."

"...William?"

William closes his eyes.

"Abstain."

"Huh? You can't do that!" Yami points at him accusingly. "You're going to mess up our quota!"

"Quorum," Marx corrects, staring at William with concern. "Captain... are you sure about this?"

William nods. "Yes. Please."

"...alright, then." Marx gulps nervously before marking something down on his paper. "Julius didn't leave instructions behind for this situation... so we'll move on as usual. The winner will still have to get 5 votes. So-" He looks up. "Rill?"

"Ahhhhh.... er..... umm.... Fuegol-"

"Got it. Jack?"

"Fuegoleon, I guess, ka ka."

"And Charlotte."

Charlotte stares at the table as if it's the most interesting thing she's ever seen. "...Nozel."

"Alright then, the results..." Marx holds up the paper, and I turn in my seat to see it a little clearer.

Alright... I expected at least two votes, but this should be okay...

One vote for me. Three for Nozel. And 4 for Fuegoleon.

That was close...

"So, what now?" Nozel asks, glancing at Fuegoleon, who is smiling a little to himself. This isn't good. One slip up and he'll get the last vote he needs.

"Now, we discuss it more, and vote again," Marx answers, holding up Julius's will again. "The winner has to get five votes."

"I have an idea!" I blurt out, putting a smile on my face as I suddenly stand up, catching everyone's attention. "Why don't we take a break... let's all go off on our own to figure out our strategies and get votes, hmmm?"

"We don't have that kind of time," Fuegoleon reminds me. "Remember? We're all supposed to be helping with the cleanup-"

"I told you, didn't I? I sent orders to all your squads before I called this meeting," I retort. "They'll be fine for the rest of the day."

"Damn. See? She's on top of it-" Yami chuckles and points at me.

"Right... do you even have that kind of authority, though?" Kaiser asks me. "I mean... they are our squads."

"Of course I do." I give him a smile despite how his words are slowly but surely pissing me off. So entitled... "Who do you think has been holding this place together these past few days? Now-" I back up towards the door, giving them a wave. "I'm going to walk around and think about all this. You know where to find me."

Without another word, I turn and push open the door, and walk off down the hallway, a little smile on my face.

Good... now...

"Wait! Hold on!"

I turn to see Marx running up, and a few other Captains leave the room and walk off out of sight. "Look..." He skids to a stop, a worried expression coming onto his face. "I get what you're trying to do here, and honestly, I'm all for it. I think I could work better with you than any of them, after all."

"Oh, how nice of you Marx." I pat him on the shoulder, but to my surprise he winces. "What, is there some other problem? Enlighten me."

"... just... listen to yourself."

... huh?

Marx's eyes turn from concerned to just... sad. I recognize this look, it's the same look all the Captains gave me earlier.

"Marx... don't tell me you're afraid for my well-being or something."

"Well, I am!" Marx bursts out. "Listen! I've known you for 8 years! Every time something bad happens, you shut down like this, you avoid the problem... but it's never been this bad. I haven't seen you cry, not once."

"Cry? Marx-" I cross my arms, gritting my teeth a little. 

Don't think about it don't think about it-

"Do you think I should go in there and cry? Do you think that will convince them to vote for me?" I demand. "I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation-"

"Well, you're freaking everyone out."

We both turn to see Yami saunter up. All playfulness is gone from his eyes. "All I'm saying is that you're acting awfully ambitious for someone who's husband just kicked it."

"Yami, you voted for me," I remind him.

"Yeah, because I think you should be the Wizard King. But I don't think you should keep acting like nothing happened." Yami's eyes crinkle with concern. "I don't want to see you isolate yourself from this... it has to hurt, right?"

...

I didn't realize it before, but I've been clenching my fists so tight that my nails start to leave a mark.

"...of course it hurts."

I suck in a deep breath. Then another. And another.

...J-Julius...

The moment passes.

"But if I acknowledge it now... I'll fall apart. So... I won't. Not until I've achieved my goal."

Then, Julius... I'll go visit you. I promise.

I don't let either of them say another word, I just turn and walk away. They both let me go. Once out of sight, I reach up and wipe away a tear that somehow managed to escape the tight, dark prison I confined it in before.

Keep pushing forward.

I look up, feeling determined once again.

It's time to get those three crucial votes.

A wager has been made, but will MC be able to pay it off? Find out next time in Chapter 4: the three votes

[petitprincess1]

My Heroic AU (Warning: Long Post)

So, I don’t know why, but I have this dying need to explain my Heroic AU, especially since I got newer followers. I just want explain more about this to even those that have read my fics, but are more curious about it.

Central/Main Idea: Mine are more on the chaotic good side of things than lawful because I find it more fun and they kind of explore the whole “if villains can kill and destroy and people just accept it, why can’t a hero do the same, especially when justified and with a corrupt justice system?” Basically, whenever a hero does anything like kill or destroy, no matter the reason, they are automatically seen as corrupt or they have a dying need to be stopped, even more so than villains. My Heroic characters basically exist to prove such a thought wrong…even if they aren’t the most mentally balanced people.

Also, the images I’m using were created by @themcnobody when they did a commission for me and I posted it up, so I don’t think this counts as reposting, but I’ll remove them if they don’t want me using them.

The Crew:

Clemencia/Felicity Clement Age: 19-20 Height: 5 foot 3 Job: Assassin/Hitman for Hire Background: Clem was born powerless in a family full of superheroes both on her father’s and mother’s side. Around the time when she was born, White Hat made her family move to a more crime filled neighborhood to lower the crime rate. Unfortunately, due to them being stuck in a bad neighborhood and not having powers, Clem was stuck sheltered for over 19 years. 

However, that changed when she left out on her birthday without her family knowing…and she instantly got followed and almost attacked from a drunkard. Luckily and unluckily, Clem was “saved” by Demencia, who was following the drunkard because they were in debt with the BHO. Dem was going to attack Clem for fun, but she instantly got out of her murderous mood when the girl just expressed her gratitude and she just left her. 

When she came back, in the middle of her party and in front of her entire family, she expressed having a newfound inspiration with her life and finally knowing what she wants to do. And says loudly and proudly, “I want to be an assassin like Demencia!” Everyone was quiet. No one clapped. No one cheered. The only person even seemingly intrigued was a man wearing a top white hat in the back. Personality: She is an endless ball of energy, mostly due to her having so much fun with her unicorn powers and she will always try to use them whenever she can (even if it’s just simply changing her pupils to look like hearts or stars or even question marks). She loves basically being the spoiled little princess of the group, but she also knows when to get serious. And when she is serious, she can be pretty deadly, even though she hides it all with a huge smile on her face and with her excited demeanor all while summoning a battle axe. 

Clem also is a huge dork that loves to make multiple references from games to movies to music, it doesn’t matter. It’s just something that she loves to do. She’s the second most mentally dysfunctional person in the group, often constantly doubting or questioning her decisions She also is obsessed with loving Demencia as much as she is obsessed with killing her or capturing her. All because of that night of Dem saving her and she wants to show her extreme appreciation by being either her greatest enemy or amazing lover. She’s fine with either one. Just as long as she can be with her love.

She loves Slug like a brother and will often play as a lab rat for him by testing his poisons. It doesn’t do any harm, since her horn also has a bit of eldritch magic in it. And other than Demencia, White Hat is another person she’ll die for. She adores him and believes she owes everything to him.

Also, her horn is real and it constantly fries at her brain, while also simultaneously keeping her alive. It be like that sometimes.

~~~

Slug Unglück Kaiser Age: 31 Height: 6 foot 2 (with boots on) 6 foot (with boots off) Job: Medic/Scientist Background:  Basically, his mom and dad are a villain and a hero couple, one of the very few that actually are harmonious together. They actually were (and still are) rivals to each other, but they just think of their “little” fights are just a little game to them. Anyway, they have Slug and his father instantly wants his wife to stop all heroic duties, warning her that now she that she has something precious to her that villains will immediately seek out that target or use him as her weakness. Of course, her being a hero, she ignores him and says she’ll be fine and continues fighting crime. This continues perfectly for a good 5 years, until she ended up going to a mission where they had Slug captured and were using him as leverage. They basically wanted her to give up her life of crime, tossing her a gun, or else her son would die. Not wanting to waste too much time and having already made the decision. She pulled the trigger…killing herself in front of Slug.

The father didn’t blame Slug for her death at the time, but he does immediately try to get him to a life of a crime, despite the fact that he was born normal. His father does this in any way he can whether it be making him see gruesome murders or manipulating Slug or lying to him at every turn, it doesn’t matter to the father. Slug’s grandparents, on his father’s side, hate that their son is doing that to him, so they instead subjugate him to more loving things, this includes making candy and baking. And Slug loves it! So much so that he starts doing it at home more and more, which makes the dad nervous, the last thing that he wants is for Slug to make take himself out of wanting to be a villain. So, the lies, deception, and manipulation increase to full on verbal and mental abuse over the course of 5 or 6 more years. Luckily, Slug always had his baking and candy making to calm him down. 

During one night, while his grandparents were over, his father gets into a very heated argument with his parents while Slug is trying to tune it all out by making his own sugar syrup. The arguing gets louder and louder to the point where Slug felt like he needed to say something, to at least get his viewpoint on things. This gets his dad pissed off to the point where he, blindly in a rage, grabs the pot that Slug was making the syrup and threw it at his face (simple syrup, which is just sugar and a bit of water, can be from 200-240°F), which luckily only hit the left side of his face from reacting quickly. His grandmother immediately tries to calm the burning, while his grandfather keeps his father away from Slug. His father ends up escaping Hat Island and is at large.

Unfortunately, for Slug, while they did get him to a hospital, the syrup gave him four degrees burns, which means you’re to the point where you have brown, leathery skin and you need skin grafting, a part of his lip was burnt so badly that it revealed some of his teeth, and that his left eye was damaged, not blind, but he can barely see out of it. Which is why he needs goggles. Personality: He’s kind of a direct opposite for Flug, like how Flug looks soft but he’s actually intimidating, Slug looks intimidating but is a complete softie. He is pretty blunt person and will always take the more logical route than the emotional, so he tends to seem very cold and analytic, but then will pretty much stuttering out apologies once he’s realized his mistake. He also self-taught himself poisons and engineering to start his own candy van with his friends. 

He also tends to carry candy around as a habit and just something to chew on when he’s thinking or nervous. Plus, he also manufactured his candies to be weapons, just so that no one can get suspicious of him when reaching into his jacket.

 He’s 100% loyal to White Hat and is pretty much ready to kill or harm anyone who dares speak against. He’s even ready to fight against Black Hat if need be, even though he knows it’s a losing fight.

Clemencia is like a little sister to him and he’ll always have her back, but he does tend to make her powers short-circuit on purpose if she does anything too insane.

~~~

White Hat Age: Old…but 300 years younger than Black Hat Height: 6 foot 6 (with hat on) 6 foot 4 (with hat off) Job: Owner of White Hat Incorporated/Consultant Background: …He won’t let me tell you. Personality: How does one describe him? White Hat is the worst out of everyone. Depending on who you are, he can be sweet and nice one second, but then snapping and downright terrifying the next. He likes to refer to people, at least mostly when he’s alone, as his puppets because he can easily trick people that he’s an all-around. I mean, who’s gonna question the man that’s the number one hero and was documented doing so many heroic deeds? No one, which makes this perfect cover up. And no one is safe from him, if you’re a hero or a villain or just an employee and you defy him, trick him, backstab him in anyway, you are probably not gonna live for much longer (in other words, you’re gonna get a visit from Clem) or if he sees value in you, then he has no problem in re-teaching you the rules here in White Hat Inc. 

Other than that, White also loves to be around humans, however. They oddly fascinate him with how interesting they are, especially with how they can easily make their lives harder by making one wrong decision or how they can ruin their day with one intrusive thought. And yet, a lot of them still find reason for continuing to live. Extraordinary. Plus, he also adores the food made on Earth and will sometimes take that over souls or flesh any day.

Also, he’s in a poly relationship with Clem and Slug because their his two most favorite puppets…and he does care for them. Fun fact: I was/am scared of White Hat because I don’t trust people who smile or are happy all the time. I just don’t. No one smiles that much and no one is that carefree. I don’t like them and that’s why I made him a master manipulator. 

~~~

Also, there isn’t a 606, but there is a Hatbot, who basically is pretty much like 505, except he often does harm others. He just believes that he’s playing with them, since he has the mindset of a child.

And that’s pretty much it. Let me know if you want to know more and this is a lot longer than I thought it would be.

[sparklyjojos]

THE SAIMON FAMILY CASE recaps [6/13]

In which we finally talk about the case and meet the rest of the giant family.

--

After the evening show, Ajiro and Kirigirisu join the staff in the restricted area. Tensui spots them, gives them a warning look—not where others can hear—and nods towards his beautiful assistant to attend to them for now. The assistant is still in her Koyomi costume and make-up, and even her smile is the same as on-stage, apparently genuine rather than faked. Her beauty gives off a mysterious impression among the darkness filled with snow. Ajiro introduces her: she’s Tensui’s wife, Saimon Miku. Although Kirigirisu has already been told Tensui was married, he hasn’t even considered that this woman in her late twenties could be the 50-year-old magician’s wife. Miku asks them to wait for Tensui in their trailer house.

The trailer house is surprisingly spacious and well-furnished: a table by a comfortable couch, a small kitchen, a couple doors that probably lead to a bathroom and some sort of a closet. Two cups of freshly brewed, delicious hot coffee are already waiting for them on the table. Who prepared them is yet another mystery, seeing as Ajiro and Kirigirisu seem to be the only people inside and didn’t spot anyone leaving.

“Magicians love playing jokes on their guests,” Ajiro explains. “They can pull any stunt as long as it gives others the sense of surprise and wonder. You know, most people eventually get fed up with constant surprises, but it looks like you still feel mostly awe and respect. Though a spectator, you already have the makings of a splendid magician. All the greats of the magical world have to be crying from joy right now.”

Kirigirisu is lost deep in thought. Maybe being easily surprised by everything isn’t so bad after all. Clueless about the world after losing all his memories, Kirigirisu has always seemed to himself and others like a naive child in an adult’s body, but maybe it is precisely this naivety—or rather, this innocence? genuinity?—that makes him inclined towards magic.

They talk about Miku and Tensui. Miku really is a strikingly beautiful woman, in a much different way than the gentle, kind Kano will always be beautiful for Kirigirisu.

“Unlike Tensui, Gensui is a bachelor,” Ajiro states, which makes Kirigirisu a bit confused for a second; he got so used to thinking that Gensui is also Soga Tensui that he almost forgot the actual Tensui is his own person.

“Uh… so is the man we’ve just seen outside Tensui or Gensui?”

“I don’t know. That’s how perfect their act is. It seems even Miku wouldn’t be able to differentiate between them at a glance, though you can tell which brother you’re facing once he says something. That’s why the magician Soga Tensui never speaks in front of others.”

Kirigirisu looks through the window at where the performers are still gathered discussing something. Tensui really is keeping silent at all times. Close to him, still in her little Koyomi costume, a young girl is standing—and staring back directly at Kirigirisu. Well, obviously the bright window of the trailer house would catch anyone’s attention in the dark evening… but for some reason the girl’s intense stare makes Kirigirisu startle, and her smile leaves a deep impression.

Kirigirisu breaks this strange moment to answer Ajiro’s question about whether he figured out the show’s many secrets. He shares his theories. Though he can’t even start to explain some of the illusions, and several of his musings are likely absurd, Ajiro listens to everything with the same seriousness. It feels just like all those times they exchanged theories about a particularly difficult case. In the end, it seems like Ajiro came up with very similar observations as Kirigirisu. 

“I myself can’t be sure whether these theories are right,” Ajiro says. “Unlike many widely exposed tricks, the original illusions created by the Circus aren’t taught to outsiders. All we have are unconfirmed theories. However, I am still sure that if we eliminate all the impossible options, whatever remains must be the truth.”

Kirigirisu can’t help but be surprised that even Ajiro isn’t able to figure out everything about the show; he has always seemed an unstoppable titan of intellect, he can figure out so many illusions on his own...

“It’s not the difference in our reasoning abilities that matters here, Kirigirisu. I simply know a few more methods used in magic. No matter how smart a detective is, he still won’t figure out an illusion if he doesn’t know the principles behind it. When Tensui and Gensui go all out, not even I can unravel their methods. Isn’t that right, Gensui?”

Kirigirisu freezes, then whips his head around, trying to spot anyone. Then—

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” comes Gensui’s voice as he emerges from behind the closet door right next to the couch, making Kirigirisu scream. “Aw, you really are one awful man, Souji. You knew I was here and still didn’t tell him.”

“Y-you knew?” Kirigirisu looks between them in shock.

“There were two cups of freshly brewed coffee waiting for us when we came in,” Ajiro points out. “That mystery really could only have one solution.”

“But usually not even a promising magician like Kirigirisu would think of it immediately,” Gensui counters. “If all the spectators were like you, Souji, we’d be out of a job. Kirigirisu, I’m sorry for surprising you once more. As for my eavesdropping, I don’t intend to make excuses. The truth is, I wished to hear your honest thoughts about the show.”

“And you were counting on me to pull everything out of him?” Ajiro smiles.

“I have full trust in you, Souji. I knew you would never betray my expectations. Kirigirisu, the theories you devised were quite correct. You’ve successfully proven your talent both as a detective and as a magician.”

Kirigirisu stumbles over words trying to express gratitude, only to be stunned into silence when Miku enters the trailer house followed by another person.

Elegantly swept-back hair, a thin Kaiser moustache, the imposing dignity of an emperor even in a black diving suit with a warm robe thrown on top—the real Soga Tensui is here.

--

“We’re sorry to have kept you waiting,” Miku says.

Tensui only gives them a quiet nod. Even now he’s keeping silent, his expression completely serious in contrast to his brother’s smile.

“My name is Kirigirisu Tarou,” Kirigirisu introduces himself nervously. “It is so nice to meet you…”

“Why are you saying nice to meet you?” Gensui interrupts. “You’ve already met the magician Soga Tensui before, haven’t you?”

“Oh… oh, right. I’m sorry. I will be more careful in the future.”

The plan is that Gensui will tell them the details about the case while Miku is getting them back home. Ajiro is a bit concerned about her being too tired after the show to drive, but she assures them it’s fine; it’s just an hour drive from Yamaguchi to Tsuwano. As an aside, it seems that when talking about the brothers in front of other people, Miku uses the name “Tensui” towards Gensui, and talks about the actual Tensui as of her “husband”. This little trick keeps the secret safe while still letting those in the know differentiate which brother she means.

“Usually we let a staff member drive,” Gensui says. “My brother and I have countless methods of hiding from them. However, it’s best not to involve the staff in any discussions about the case. We’ll be taking our leave before the rest of the troupe.”

Miku starts to drive home with Tensui in the passenger seat. Gensui brings out a small basket of sandwiches that Miku prepared earlier.

“I can’t guarantee they will taste good, but please, help yourselves,” Gensui says pouring them more coffee. It seems like he’s just performing the typical Japanese humility act where you put down your own family to come off as more humble… but as soon as Kirigirisu bites into a sandwich, he realizes Gensui’s line was a honest warning. It’s not that the food tastes bad or good, it’s just… strange. Unbalanced? Something. Is Miku simply a bad cook? For some reason, Kirigirisu thinks that it’s a strange flaw for her to have. Doesn’t fit her image at all. Very strange, he continues to marvel as he wolfs the sandwiches down.

The conversation finally shifts to the case.

Three mysterious deaths have taken place so far. The first to pass away was Saimon Tamako, who seems to have died of old age on September 19th—the day of her 99th birthday—during the great celebration that about a hundred people attended, Ajiro and his wife among them. The doctor who confirmed Tamako’s death didn’t notice anything unusual, especially considering that her health had already been worsening for about three months at that point. What’s remarkable is that around the moment of Tamako’s death all the lights went out, and once they turned back on, the previously red-and-white decorative curtain was now black-and-white, as if announcing the death.

A month later, on October 19th, Tamako’s daughter Akiko (65) suddenly collapsed while sewing props for a ball juggling routine. Still conscious, she called the rest of the family for help and was taken to the hospital, where a CT scan revealed a five-centimeter-long needle stuck in her chest. Her heart stopped on the way to another hospital. The death was ruled an unlucky accident; Akiko must have accidentally worn a piece of clothing that had the needle left inside, and some sudden move or impact forced it into her chest from the side. Perhaps she attempted to juggle the material balls she was sewing, which were found scattered on the scene of the accident.

The third death was the most mystifying. On November 18th, Saimon Yuuta (21) told the rest of the family: “Let’s all go together to the Tottori Sand Dunes tomorrow, I’ve got something interesting to show you”. He disappeared soon afterwards. The family had a bad feeling that a third tragedy in a row could occur on the 19th day of the month, so they headed to the Tottori Sand Dunes, about 200 kilometers away from Tsuwano, and spent the entire night searching for Yuuta. The next day rope was found sticking out of the famous horse-back dune, Umanose. When two strong tourists pulled on it, they unearthed what looked like a giant playing card—four of diamonds—and Yuuta’s body tied to it. Further digging revealed an equally giant empty card deck box connected to the card with the rope.

Everyone’s immediate thought was that Yuuta had been murdered, but his death was tentatively ruled as a bizarre accident or suicide. A young couple who visited the dunes at around 2 AM claimed they had witnessed a man, most likely Yuuta, digging out a hole and putting a big rectangular thing inside. There was no one else around at the moment. Seeing a strange man doing something suspicious the couple ran away in fear.

One theory is that Yuuta was trying to set up an illusion where he would pull out the giant card from the deck, but he fell (jumped?) into the hole he himself had dug out, causing the rope to get tangled around his neck and hang him. The fact that no Yoshikawa lines were found on the body (i.e. the victim didn’t seem to claw at his neck) may point to suicide, but the situation is still unclear and a murder might have taken place.

“And you want us to check if all those deaths aren’t actually murders,” Ajiro sums up.

“Exactly. I have questions I want you to answer.“

“If I may ask…” Kirigirisu interrupts. “Do you mean you are the client requesting our help, Gensui? Or… are you speaking as Soga Tensui right now?”

“The request comes from both me and my brother. Which means that when you’re talking about it in front of outsiders, your client is the one and only Soga Tensui. Back to the point… the questions that concern me pertain to the curtain change and Yuuta’s movements. Kirigirisu, in order for you to understand what problem I have with that first point, I need to tell you the method behind a similar curtain change in the show.”

Gensui produces a red-and-white piece of silk out of thin air (or rather, as Kirigirisu now understands, from where he had it palmed). It looks normal enough, but when Gensui strokes it expertly, the red color changes to black. The secret is so simple that even Kirigirisu can guess it once he gets the silk handed to him: what seems like a handkerchief is actually a reversible little bag. Turning it inside-out changes the colors displayed on the surface. A spectator won’t be able to guess the secret as long as the magician’s hand covers the bag’s opening.

“The curtain in the show doesn’t work the exact same way, but it’s similar enough,” Gensui explains. “It’s like a ring made of two curtains in different colors, connected on the top and the bottom, one side displayed to the audience and one hidden behind. Which side is visible can be changed by pulling on the material. It would take too long to change it manually, so in the show we use a system of dropping weights attached to the curtain with ropes. The thing is… when I checked the decorated stage the night before that birthday celebration, the curtain was just a normal piece of red-and-white fabric. Someone must have taken the show curtain out of our storage and switched it before the event. Both the storage and the stage were locked during the night, although anyone from our family could have accessed the keys, or perhaps an outsider picked the locks.”

“I don’t think anyone from the family or close friends would do it,” Ajiro says. “Everyone was sitting in the audience during the celebration, so they wouldn’t be able to turn off the lights, drop the curtain weights and turn the lights back on. Unless they had help from outside, that is.”

“That’s where my confusion comes from. There must be someone who switched the curtains and I want you to find them. My other question has to do with how Yuuta was able to get to Tottori Sand Dunes. It’s possible to get there by a train, but not a single station employee saw him. Besides, Yuuta disappeared around 10 PM. He wouldn’t be able to get to Tottori by 2 AM, which was when the witnesses saw a man digging.”

“It takes six hours to travel between Tsuwano and Tottori by train,” Ajiro adds. “He could have made it in time if he used a car, perhaps one of the trailer houses.”

“But none of our cars were moved, the last bus had long departed at the time, no taxi driver has seen Yuuta, and it would be hard to hitchhike in the middle of the night. The only explanation possible is that someone either borrowed him their car or gave him a ride to Tottori.”

“Again with that mysterious someone,” Ajiro mutters. “Someone whose identity and motives we will have to investigate in order to decide if the case really is serial murder.”

Nihon Tantei Club has never before seen such a mystifying case, that is for sure.

“Ah, we’re almost there,” Gensui notices looking out the window.

“Won’t it be bad if someone sees you two through the window?” Kirigirisu worries.

“Thank you for your concern, but I don’t see a problem. I’m the only Soga Tensui around.”

Kirigirisu glances towards the passenger seat and realizes it’s empty. Tensui must have hidden somewhere when they were busy talking.

--

The Saimon residence is located in the heart of Tsuwano, near a small church at the end of the famous Tonomachi street filled with traditional samurai residences. Miku leads the detectives through a small bridge over a canal and through the main gate, which is decorated for the wake. The house is a splendid mansion with the ceilings set low. It was renovated many times since its establishment back in the Kamakura period.

Ajiro's wife Mizuki arrived before them, so they head to meet her in the parlor. Mizuki as always is kind; Kirigirisu can feel that calm and warm familiarity emanating from her. She’s already wearing her mourning clothes and asks them to change too. She’s not just here because of their friendship with the Saimons; before she married, Mizuki worked in her family’s funeral home, and even now helps their affiliate organize the wake.

About a hundred people gather to attend the wake. The family members approach the coffin in small groups in order to offer incense. Ajiro tells Kirigirisu to just observe everyone for now, so he can explain who they all are later.

[Better bring out your copy of the Saimon Family Tree to prepare for that, everyone. We’ll be going through a lot of people in a very short time.]

The family members look as follows:

— A marriage in their forties accompanied by a bawling teenage girl. Yuuta’s parents and sister. Kirigirisu recognizes the sister as one of the three girls he saw performing with a smile just hours ago.

— A quiet man who seems to be Yuuta’s uncle, along with his wife and two crying teenage daughters. These two mourning girls are the rest of the show’s happy energetic trio.

— Tensui and Miku, together with two identical twin boys that have to be their children. One of the twins played Kotensui in the show, but they are so similar Kirigirisu isn’t able to tell which one it was. They look even smaller without Kotensui’s costume on; they can’t be older than Ajiro’s son Souya, and it’s hard to believe one (both?) of them could perform acrobatics. [If I counted correctly, they’ve just barely turned four last month. Talk about starting young.] When looking at their faces, Kirigirisu for some reason feels a little faint. These two look almost too pretty in a way, like little angels, probably having inherited Miku’s mysterious charm.

— A short old man around seventy years of age, his eyes sharp, his entire demeanor suggesting he’s not just some random ordinary person. In that way he reminds Kirigirisu of Ajiro’s grandfather Soujin.

 — In a stark contrast to the old man, a pair of a middle-aged father and adult son who are solidly built and nearly two meters tall, bringing to mind two walking mountains.

— Another man, a bit smaller than the walking mountain, but still built like a tree trunk. He’s followed by a woman of enchanting beauty; if Miku’s looks can be described as “mysterious”, this woman would be “dangerous”. The pair is accompanied by their college-aged son who looks like a miniature of his father.

 — A woman in her early thirties with a supermodel figure. Judging by the order in which they appeared, she, the walking mountain man, and the tree trunk man are probably all children of that important old man from earlier. The women is followed by her two kids: a teenage son and the girl who played Koyomi.

— Next, a woman who for some reason seems familiar to Kirigirisu (was she playing someone in the show?), and her high school age daughter.

— A man with glasses looking like your typical bank worker, along with his high-strung grade schooler son.

— A seemingly unemotional hunchbacked man in his forties together with his younger wife, who looks so astonishingly similar to Mizuki that Kirigirisu has to make sure Ajiro’s wife is still sitting next to him. The two could very well be twins. The mysterious woman is holding hands with a 3- or 4-year-old girl, while the man holds another baby daughter in his arms.

— The last member of the family: a man in his late twenties whose eyes still have that boyish gleam in them, who simultaneously seems to radiate peace and safety.

It’s not hard to notice that many members of the Saimon family are strangely, almost unnaturally beautiful, to the point that Kirigiru’s head is spinning. Has he accidentally walked in on a Miss Funeral contest or what? The strange beauty doesn’t pertain just to women; even the unemotional or stern looking men are still handsome, and just remembering those two twin boys is enough to give him goosebumps.

--

Afterwards, Mizuki has to go help with other preparations, so the two detectives head to their designated room, where Ajiro explains the family’s long history.

Seven hundred years ago, in the Kamakura period, Yoshimi Yoriyuki established the Tsuwano Castle and the castle town. The Saimon family started by Saimon Genki has lived there ever since, even serving as chief ministers, which resulted in them accruing significant wealth and influence. During the Meiji period, the Saimons established deep relations with two families—Tsukumo and Tousen—who had a zaibatsu (a business conglomerate) controlling newly created silver mines. In order to show their friendship, three representatives of the families changed their names to feature the same kanji of tai: Saimon Taishin, Tsukumo Taigen, and Tousen Taikun. Those three rich men each married one of the three Tamakos, women with mysterious pasts who had been travelling all over Japan with a performance group. Soon, the Soga Tenju troupe was established.

From this moment Ajiro’s story switches to include quite lot of names, to the point that Kirigirisu has to get his notebook and write things down.

The three families kept their close connections, often intermarrying to the point they could well be defined as one giant family nowadays. Each Tamako gave birth to a daughter in the same year 1912: Tsukumo Haruko, Tousen Natsuko, Saimon Akiko.

Note that Tsukumo Tamako had two more children (Gentarou and Shougen) with Tsukumo Taigen, then married Saimon Hisayoshi (Saimon Taishin’s younger brother) and had one more child, Mitama. It’d be awkward to refer to two different women as Saimon Tamako, so everyone kept calling her Lady Tsukumo.

Akiko and Gentarou married, had three sons—Taishi, Akio and Takayoshi—and the “main family” was descended from them, now consisting of eight living members.

Taishi and his wife Yurine (who was born Tousen) are the grieving parents who we saw at their son Yuuta’s wake. Their teenage daughter is called Akiko, which is pronounced the same as her grandmother’s name, but written a bit differently. It’s hard to recognize him without makeup, but Taishi, the grief-struck father, is the very same mohawk clown that performed comedic magic for the audience’s amusement just hours ago.

The afro clown was played by Taishi’s younger brother Akio, that quiet contemplative man. Perhaps this natural peace seeped into his role a bit, making the afro clown less dramatic than his companion. His wife Chinami (born Tousen) played one of the Courtisanes, Nami Dayuu. Their two daughters, Chiaki and Chisato, were two thirds of the girl trio.

The last son of Akiko and Gentarou, Takayoshi, didn’t show up at the wake. Apparently he left home long time ago after a conflict with Taishi and now travels all around Japan performing street magic for a living. No one has been able to get in touch with him for a long while.

That was the entire main part of the family, which means that Tensui’s immediate relatives are all a part of the branch family. This includes Gensui (Suigetsu), Tensui (Ryuusui), Tensui’s wife Miku, and those mysterious twin boys, Juku and Joukei. [I know Juku’s name should be romanized as Juuku for consistency’s sake, but I’m just too used to calling him Juku at this point. Sorry.]

The family actually has two big residences. The one we’re in right now is called Kami-Saimon (“upper Saimon”) and only the main part of the family lives in it. The rest of the family and relatives occupies a house further down the river, Shimo-Saimon (“lower Saimon”), where all the prop storages and the like are located.

...or at least that’s how it all looked like until recently. The (no longer alive) head of the main family Saimon Tamako seemed to favoritize Tensui a lot, which resulted in him and his closest ones also being able to live in Kami-Saimon. Needless to say, Taishi detested not being chosen as the leader of the troupe despite being from the main family. They’re still in a conflict with Tensui over that.

To explain where the branch family came from, let’s move back to explaining the giant family tree. Late Tamako’s husband, Saimon Taishin, had a younger brother called Takezou. Takezou fathered two children, Juuzou (Tensui’s father) and Kyuuzou. Kyuuzou married the boss of the yakuza family Fujita, took on her name, and became the boss himself (though he has retired since). Kyuuzou was that short old man at the wake, and it’s now clear why he carried himself like the most important person around.

The two men who brought to mind walking mountains were Kyuuzou’s son Daisen and grandson Daisetsu. Daisen is a widower and works in a “respectable occupation” (i.e. is not a gangster).

The man big like a tree trunk is Kyuuzou’s second son, Hyousen. Hyousen is the current boss of Fujita-gumi, and his wife Shima (that dangerous-looking woman) is also involved in it. Their college-age son is called Hyousai.

The last of Kyuuzou’s three children is the tall woman with supermodel figure, Maki. She was once married to Tousen Yomi, who unfortunately died very young, leaving behind their two children: an intelligent teenage boy Matoki and a younger girl Yomiko. As it turns out, “Koyomi” is simply an anagram of the girl’s actual name.

Now let us back up a bit, because we haven’t talked about Tsukumo Tamako’s other kids. Her second child, Tsukumo Shougen, had a son Genya. Genya married Karan (born Tousen) and had a daughter Seika with her. Karan plays one of the Courtisanes, Hana Dayuu, and while her daughter didn’t show up in today’s show, she had performed quite a few times before.

Tsukumo Tamako’s last child, the one she had in her second marriage with Saimon Hisayoshi, is a daughter called Mitama. Mitama went on to marry Tsukumo Gensui—not to be confused with the Gensui we know; this one is Tsukumo Taigen’s younger brother. It was this Gensui, stage name Soga Tengen, who lead the troupe after Saimon Tamako, but an accident left him bedridden for the rest of his life. Tsukumo Mitama didn’t attend the wake because she had to take care of her husband and elderly mother.

Tengen and Mitama have four children, in order of birth:

— Tsukumo Tsushima, the bank teller looking man. His nervous son is Touji.

— Tsukumo Souma, the hunchbacked emotionless man. His wife that looks similar to Mizuki is called Yumeji (born Tousen). The couple has two small daughters, older Emu and younger Nemu.

— Tsukumo Ranma, the man in his twenties whose eyes are still filled with sincerity of a child. He’s the only unmarried person among the four siblings.

— Saimon Miku, Tensui’s wife.

Finally, we should mention that Tousen Natsuko also didn’t attend the wake, as she was taking care of her mother Tousen Tamako.

To sum up, there are 36 members of the family still alive: 13 Saimons, 12 Tsukumos, 5 Tousens and 6 Fujitas.

Unsurprisingly, it takes Kirigirisu a LONG time of re-reading his notes to make sense of the entire family structure.

“When you consider everything I just told you,” Ajiro says, “there are only three people who weren’t sitting in the auditorium during the birthday celebration and who could bring Yuuta to Tottori without others noticing their absence. One is Saimon Takayoshi, who left home long ago. Two is an unknown helper from outside, following orders of someone from the family. And three...”

Ajiro falls completely quiet in mid-sentence. Kirigirisu slowly finishes the thought. 

“Three… is Soga Tensui.”

--

[>>>NEXT PART>>>]

[mst3kproject]

Female Jungle

This movie has serious MST3K cred.  It’s got Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set, Jayne Mansfield from The Loves of Hercules (in her first screen role), Bruno VeSoto from Daddy-O, and John Carradine! It also has that old favourite, a misleading title.  Just as The Undead had no zombies and Pod People had neither pods nor people, Female Jungle features not a single leather-clad woman swinging on a vine.  Disappointing.

Rather than being a bad jungle adventure, Female Jungle is a bad noir mystery.  Up-and-coming actress Monica Madison has been murdered in front of the sleazy Can-Can Club, while she should have been at a glitzy movie premiere.  What was she doing there, and who killed her?  Too bad off-duty detective Jack Stevens, who was in the area, was too falling-down drunk to remember what happened… or even whether he was the killer!  In the attempt to clear his name, Stevens delves into the complicated relationships between Miss Madison, her publicist Almstead, a struggling artist named Al, and the women in Al’s life – including his wife Peggy and mistress Candy.  It turns out there were a lot of people who might have a reason to kill Monica Madison… but the actual ending makes no damn sense at all.

If Female Jungle had been on MST3K it would have belonged in the Joel era, because this movie is a fucking ordeal, right up there with garbage like Project Moon Base and Jungle Goddess.  For starters, nothing happens.  Theoretically this story involves exciting things like car chases, love affairs, jewel thefts, and drunken brawls, but we never see any of it, only hear about it in long, pointless conversations.  Sometimes the long, pointless conversations turn into long, pointless arguments in which both parties seem to change their minds twice in five minutes.  Sometimes the actors talk extra-fast, apparently in the effort to fit more talking into the available seventy minutes.  The fact that a vital clue comes from a talk radio program is almost a joke, because even the people in the movie are doing nothing but listening to talking!

The only thing worse than a movie that’s ninety-five percent talking is one that’s ninety-five percent talking by people who can’t act.  Nobody in this movie can act.  Even John Carradine can barely act in this movie. Lawrence Tierney as Stevens isn’t even convincing as being tipsy, never mind so drunk he can’t figure out where he was for the last four hours.  Burt Kaiser (also the writer and producer) as Al studiously avoids looking into the camera. Kathleen Crowley as Peggy spends much of the movie fake-crying.  Jayne Mansfield as Candy looks like she has no idea how she sank this low, and this is her first film.

The direction is incredibly boring, featuring lots of static shots from way too far away, interspersed with bizarre intrusive close-ups on people who aren’t even participating in the conversation. Everything is under-lit (Tom Servo’s comment on The Giant Spider Invasion being ‘film extra-noir!’ comes to mind), which is particularly annoying during the rare scenes in which something is actually happening and you can’t fucking tell what it is.  A lot of scenes that needed music don’t have any, and the ones that do have music play it way too loud, which makes for another unintentional joke when Peggy asks Almstead to turn it down.

The characters are to a man (and woman) drunk and terrible.  There are bits where it looks like Al and Peggy might be about to reconcile, but we don’t want them to reconcile because Al is an abusive fuck.  Stevens has a brief scene with Candy that makes it look like they’re romantically involved, but apparently they’re not, and then he yells at her.  She goes running off to seek comfort from Al and he yells at her.  Stevens threatens a suspect for insisting his lawyer be present for questioning, and then keeps barking questions at him until he breaks down. The only decent person in the entire cast is George the Can-Can Club janitor, and even he has his questionable moments when it looks like he might be protecting the killer.

In particular, the many loves of Al the artist are supposed to be very important, but we have no idea what any of these women see in him.  He’s an unemployed drunk who cheats on his wife with a regular mistress, and cheats on that mistress with a third woman.  All three seem to have tried to help him with his problems only to get it thrown back in their faces.  He’s not wealthy, he’s not particularly good-looking, he’s only mildly talented, and he’s definitely not charming.

I guess the theme of Female Jungle is gratitude?  Al wasn’t grateful for the love of the women in his life and abandoned them all one by one, while Monica wasn’t grateful to Almstead for making her a star.  I would love to analyze this but I can’t.  It’s there, but it’s not used in any way that would make it worth talking about.

While we have several potential villains in this story, finding a hero is more difficult.  Any attempt at a plot summary will probably make it sound like it’s Stevens, but he’s not actually in the movie very much.  When he is, he’s threatening women and suspects, yelling at his colleagues, and generally behaving like a thinner, better-dressed version of Mitchell. All the actual investigating and solving was done by Almstead, although while we’re actually watching him work it out we’re meant to think he’s the killer trying to cover his tracks.  Why wasn’t this movie about Almstead?

Two reasons, actually.  First, because he already knows what’s going on and the whole premise of this film seems to be that nobody knows what’s going on – especially the audience!  And second, he’s John Carradine.  Everybody knows John Carradine is the bad guy.

The final revelation of who killed Monica Madison is what feels like ten minutes of John Carradine telling a story that makes no damned sense.  There was apparently a blackmail scheme involved but we never find out what it was about.  By the end of a murder mystery we should have enough clues that the confession or explanation makes everything fall into place, but instead, here we’re just sitting there wondering what the fuck.  Most of this was not at all foreshadowed and the parts that were don’t make any sense either – a major plot point turns on a stolen diamond necklace but we never find out why the culprit stole it.  It feels like they made the whole movie up as they went along and the result desperately needs a guy and two robots at the bottom of it.

The biggest sin committed by Female Jungle is one I’ve gotten mad about before – it straight-up lies to the audience.  Conventions of fiction vary from culture to culture but one of the assumptions we make here in the west is that characters in a movie do not know they’re in a movie and therefore cannot talk directly to the audience.  Even Shakespeare’s asides follow this rule, in that Hamlet isn’t really supposed to be talking to the audience, but giving us a window on his inner monologue, and it can only be broken in very special circumstances.  Bilbo Baggins told two different versions of his competition with Gollum, but Bilbo is explicitly the narrator even though his story is in the third person, so he knows he has an audience that he wants to look good for.

Female Jungle has no narrator, not even potentially.  There is no one character whose story we’re following and who may therefore be said to be ‘telling’ it to us, as for example Chasen is telling us the story in Indestructible Man.  The only possible candidate would be Stevens, but we’re often watching stuff he has no way to know or care about.  Therefore nobody is aware there is an audience, and nobody should be able to lie to that audience.  The killer breaks this rule, though, as he does things that make no sense once we know he is the killer. He does try to frame Almstead, but often in ways that seem directed at the audience rather than the cops.  Murdering Candy serves no purpose except to say ‘surprise, this guy kills women!’

Between the darkness, the downright deceptive attempts at misdirection, and the fact that nobody’s decisions make any sense, Female Jungle reminds me very strongly of The Dead Talk Back.  Female Jungle actually manages to be worse than that movie on several levels, but there is one mistake I’m glad they avoided.  In The Dead Talk Back we got to know Renee a little, but only through a voice talking over shots of her changing her clothes.  In Female Jungle we don’t actually meet Monica at all – she dies before the opening titles.  This is, itself, not very good storytelling, but at least the movie doesn’t have an opportunity to sexualize her.  We see a couple of photographs of her later, one of them a standard Hollywood head shot and the other a candid of her sitting at a nightclub table, but neither is intended to be sexy.  One of Al’s artworks tries to depict her as a sexpot, but the emphasis of the piece is so obviously the plot point necklace that it ruins the effect.

Yeah, that’s my compliment for Female Jungle: it didn’t go out of its way to remind us that the victim made for an attractive corpse.  I have seen way, way too many bad movies.